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Check out these 22 ideas to celebrate your pastor’s wife or first lady. Perfect for any day of the year. You don’t need to wait for a special occasion –– in fact, we hope you choose one to encourage her this week!

Co-written by Becky Sargent and Cheri Kulhawick

Pastors’ spouses often feel misunderstood, second to ministry, and occasionally struggle to find their fit in the church body. Here are a few ideas to let them know you appreciate them. 

** While this post is dedicated to pastors’ wives, we have another post dedicated to pastors’ husbands! Top Ways To Appreciate Your Pastor’s Husband

22 Ways To Encourage Your Pastor’s Wife

1. Write A Handwritten Note

Give her a card or letter with a handwritten note. Write about how she has positively impacted your life … what she means to you … something she did that blessed you.

2. Give A Small Gift

It doesn’t have to be expensive. (Although it can be if your budget allows.) A gift will brighten her day and let her know you value her.

3. Appreciate Her With Flowers 

Don’t feel like you have to get a huge arrangement from an expensive florist. Many grocery stores have beautiful bouquets at a reasonable price. A hand-picked bouquet from your garden, if you have a green thumb, is so personal. Dress up your bouquet by putting it in a mason jar or vase before giving it to your pastor’s wife.

4. Commit To Praying For Her (& Let Her Know)

Send your clergy’s wife a note in the mail and let her know that you are praying for her. If you made a commitment with the Lord to pray for her on a specific day every week or every month, let her know. That will be an encouragement!

5. Support Your First Lady’s Hobbies

What hobby or self-care moment does your first lady enjoy? If you don’t know, ask her. Then be creative and find a way to support her in that. If she enjoys a mani-pedi, purchase a gift certificate to her favorite salon. Offer to pay for the next local Paint Party if she likes to paint. If she enjoys walks in the park, give her a new water bottle. If she likes journaling, try this journal.

6. Offer To Sit With Children, Aging Parents, & Even Pets 

Clergy wives have a lot on their plate. In addition to caring for those in the congregation, just like all of us, her circle includes family members, neighbors, and more. Offering to help her care for those she loves can give her a needed break.

7. Talk About Things You Love About Church (Not Just What Needs To Be Fixed) 

When you talk with your pastor’s wife, don’t complain about the church. First of all, in most cases, she probably can’t do anything about it. Second, practice Philippians 4:8, “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” Your pastor’s wife will truly appreciate your thoughtfulness on this matter.

8. Understand & Respect Her Pressures & Priorities

Pastors’ wives often feel a lot of pressure and expectations coming from every side. Church members, church leaders, family members, and the community sometimes have different ideas of her role and responsibilities. Honor her by respecting her walk and her choices as she seeks God and responds to Him.

9. Send An Impromptu Thank You Card

Be specific. Be intentional. Send your clergy’s wife a thank you card for something she did or said this week. It may be a kind word, a thoughtful action, or a smile from across the room. Let her know how much her kind gesture meant to you in a thank you card that she’s not expecting.

10. Give Your Pastor’s Wife A Gift Card

It doesn’t have to be expensive. A $5 gift card to a local coffee shop will give her a vanilla latte or a lovely cup of tea. It’s the thought that counts. If your budget allows, give her a gift card that she might share with her husband on a date night.

11. Send An Encouraging Text Message

Imagine her delight, when she opens her messages and sees a word of encouragement instead of the expectant, “I need you to help with this … ” A simple text message can change the entire direction of her day.

12. Surprise Her With Gas & Grocery Cards

In the economy we are now living, gas and grocery cards can be very helpful to any family, but what a special gift to your pastor’s wife! You could include a cute note that says, “Because you give us such great ‘emotional fuel’ for our faith journey, we’d like to give you some food and automotive fuel for your family’s daily journey!”

13. Purchase A Home Party Product For Her

If someone invites your first lady to a home party, arrange with the hostess ahead of time to purchase a product for your PW. The hostess can let her know before the date that someone has offered to purchase $50 worth of products for her.

14. Enroll Your Pastor’s Wife In A Monthly Club

This can be super fun, but you have to be determined to follow through. Create your own monthly club. It might be the “Bless Your PW Socks Club.” –– every month, you leave a new pair of fun socks in a gift bag for her in the church office. “First Lady’s Chocolate Of The Month Club” –– every month, she gets a small gift bag with a little bag of Lindt Chocolate Truffles or a sharing-size bag of M&M’s. Maybe she’d enjoy a box of Ande’s mints with a bright white bow on it. If she works in the church office, try a “Pastor’s Wife Office Perks Club” and give her colorful pens, sticky notes, and erasable highlighters.  

15. Offer A Meal 

Make a meal for the pastor’s wife and her family to give her a night off from cooking. Ask her what day she’d like you to bring dinner. (Keep in mind preferences, dislikes, and allergies.)

16. Help With An Around The House Project

Talk with your pastor’s wife and identify any projects that need to be done around the house that you can help with. Then, gather a crew and help her get it done. Whether it’s yard work, painting a room, or cleaning/organizing a space, show her you care by helping her cross a project off the to-do list.

17. Rally A Few Friends To Make Freezer Meals For Your First Lady

Give your first lady the gift of Wednesday night dinners for a month. Schedule with a few friends to be sure each Wednesday is covered. A ‘ready-to-go and throw’ in the crock pot meal is a wonderful timesaver on days when her schedule is crazy. These can be made ahead in multiple batches.

If you need ideas, check out this book: Seriously Good Freezer Meals: 150 Easy Recipes to Save Your Time, Money and Sanity.

18. Help With Curb Appeal

Gather a crew and weed the flower beds at their home. (Be sure to ask her permission first. You don’t want to accidentally remove or destroy something she loves.) Bring some new plants and brighten the yard, or bring them in pots and place them around their home. Make a new wreath to hang on the front door, get a shepherd’s hook and hang a flowering pot on the walkway or get some solar lights and place them around the garden.

19. Invite Her To Lunch

Respecting her time and schedule, make a date to take your pastor’s wife to lunch. Live in a small area where there aren’t many restaurants? What about a nice picnic lunch in a local park or garden? Spend some time asking about her life, her heart’s desire, her interests, and her concerns. Listen and encourage her.

20. Give One Year Of Encouragement Cards

Make 12 months’ worth of cards for your pastor’s wife. Each month should include a verse or passage of scripture, a prayer that you are praying for her specifically, a word of encouragement of her value in the ministry and in your life, and then on the envelope the month that it represents. Put all the cards in a decorative box and wrap them up with a pretty bow. Put a note on the top explaining that this is a year’s worth of encouragement just for her!

21. Gift Your Clergy’s Wife With A Salon Gift Certificate

Give a gift certificate to a local salon for a day of pampering –– hair, massage, nails, etc. Or just choose one she’d enjoy most.

22. Purchase An Upgrade To Her Free Ticket For The Next Small Church Pastors’ Wives Conference Happening Annually In July

Click the link to check out Upcoming Small Church Conference Dates!

Choose one appreciation idea or choose them all to show some extra love to your pastor’s wife.

Whether you choose one idea or choose them all and scatter them throughout the year, appreciating your pastor’s wife won’t only make a difference in her life. It will encourage your pastor & their family and have a positive impact on your church culture.

Read More

Help For Pastors’ Wives In Small Churches

Top Ways To Appreciate Your Pastor’s Husband