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Do you want to know why people aren’t coming? We give ideas to help you find out. Get tips on new ways to start loving people, knowing them, seeing them, and hearing them. This is exactly what Jesus did!
When leaders in small churches are frustrated by the lack of attendance at events or programs, some phrases I often hear are: “People at my church aren’t committed,” “They say they want programs and then they don’t show up,” “They’re too busy,” “They’re uncommitted,” or “They just don’t care.”
When I ask ministry leaders how they know these things, they respond by saying that if people were committed and cared, they would show up. I’d like to suggest assumptions aren’t always true. In fact, they’re usually wrong. We need to stop assuming and start asking better questions to get to the root of the issues.
Keep reading to learn about:
- Two things everyone craves & what we all have in common
- The singular best way to find out what’s really going on
- Why people don’t always tell you the truth and how to change that
- How to prepare your heart for the answers
- What feedback to listen to and how to make changes
Realistically, there are a lot of people in small churches who want to grow spiritually. They want to know the truth about God and that life really matters. There may also be a lot of people who are lonely and wish for better relationships. Others are trying to figure out how God and Christianity relate to the lives they are living.
Ask Questions To Understand Why
If we assume people aren’t coming because they’re uncommitted and don’t care, how does that make you feel? Often it can make people feel frustrated, annoyed, used, and unappreciated. It could sound like this: “I’m doing all this work, and you don’t care,” or “I have to do everything myself because you won’t help,” or even “I put so much time into this, and you didn’t even show up.” Does that sound familiar?
If we are feeling used, frustrated, annoyed, and unappreciated, how do we show up? We look and act exactly how we feel, frustrated and annoyed. If you’re frustrated in the church, they know it.
Humans are not naturally lazy or uncommitted. We make time for what we value. Just because people aren’t choosing your programs or your ministry area does not mean they are uncommitted to growth or they don’t care about deep things.
Here’s the answer to figure out the truth. Ask them! I know it sounds simple, and it is. But simple things aren’t always easy. If you are going to ask them, and you genuinely want to find out the truth about what’s going on, you’ll need to develop some skills in finding the truth.
These skills can help you get past the answers when people might say they are busy when they just stayed at home watching Netflix. Or, they might tell you they forgot when they actually decided at the last minute that it wasn’t worth their time.
4 Tips To Find The Real Reason
- Create a space where people feel safe to be honest.
- Develop good relationships where people don’t feel judged and feel loved instead.
- We need multiple channels for feedback or ways of communication to allow for different personalities and different levels of trust.
- Settle our own hearts down. Get rid of the assumptions and open ourselves up to hear the truth.
You see, sometimes we create stories in our heads about us, about them, or even about situations. These stories often protect us from feeling disappointment, shame, or failure. It’s easier to say they are uncommitted or they don’t care about spiritual growth than to look at the possibility there might be something wrong with what we’re doing or that all our efforts aren’t meeting people’s needs. The same stories we create, or assumptions we make, can keep us from growing and becoming who God has in mind for us. They can prevent us from developing deeper relationships, from knowing ourselves, and from experiencing God working in our weakness or disappointment.
How Do We Get To The Truth?
We need to be sincere in wanting to know the truth and being open to their answers. Don’t ask them why they aren’t coming unless you genuinely want to know. You have to take all of your assumptions, throw them out the window, and be able to admit you might be wrong about everyone else. We need to listen without judgment.
Do Your Research Don’t Make Conclusions
When trying to understand why people aren’t coming, it might help to think of it as a fact-finding mission. Try to step outside of the situation. Your mission is not to draw conclusions or to assess the good or bad. Your focus should be on gathering research. Make sure you are prepared to be blindsided. You could hear things you don’t want to hear. However, if you do, try to control your natural reaction to defend yourself. God gave us feelings and emotions. He can speak to us through our emotions. But getting defensive is a choice we can control. Remember the Scripture, James 1:19-20, tells us to be quick to listen, and slow to speak.
As you listen to people, keep in mind you are hearing their perspective, and their perspective is what THEY are experiencing. It is their true experience. If you hear negative things you don’t agree with, remember that even in a very factual automobile accident, where there is physical truth of what happened, multiple witnesses share different stories. The truth is in there; it just might need to be sifted out.
Truth is good. It might need to be sorted out at times, but this is when a mentor or an outside, Jesus-following friend comes in. None of us should be doing ministry alone. We need people to reflect to, people who can help filter out the truth and remind us of our never-changing identity in Christ.
What Questions Should I Ask?
I would suggest you don’t walk up to people and say, “Hey, why don’t you come to Bible study?” While you’ll probably get a quick answer, it might not be a thoughtful one. Instead, begin by creating a culture where input is welcome, invited, and considered. To create a culture like this, you need to ask for lots of input. Then, listen, consider, and include people in making changes, building teams, and growing ministries. You’ll need to ask in multiple ways and often.
Sending out a survey isn’t enough. Not everyone will fill out a survey, and not everyone will want to have a conversation. People have their own preferences, which is why it is so important to give them options. If you begin inviting input in lots of different ways, at different times, and in different settings, you’ll start inviting real answers!
Questions To Ask To Get Honest Answers
- What was your favorite part of this event or program?
- What do you wish was done differently?
- What would you like to see?
- What do you need?
- How could the church help?
- What are your biggest challenges right now?
- What would make it easier for you to attend?
As you listen, you’re communicating too. Remember, you don’t have to speak to communicate. Just by listening, you are communicating, “I value you. I hear you. You’re important.”
What Do You Do With Feedback?
Of course, our call isn’t to make everyone happy. We have an audience of one. However, you do need to honor the stories you’ve heard. Remember every criticism, heartache, joy, and even apathy is a story. Someone shared their heart with you, and it is important to value that.
As you listen well and take some notes, you will probably start to see some common threads running through your community. You may get some inklings of where God is working and where reconciliation might need to take place. You might also hear about needs you never knew were there. This is where you respond to the common threads.
3 Tips For Making Changes
- Go slow.
- Invite others into the process.
- Be ready to pivot (I find God often alters my plans, even when I think they are genius!).
If you are frustrated because people aren’t coming, I want to suggest you might not be joining God where He is working. We often need to stop consuming ourselves by doing stuff FOR God, that we forget to recognize where He is at work. God is always at work. If you don’t see God at work in your programs, be assured He is at work in people!
Sometimes we need to stop digging our heels into our programs or hanging onto what used to work. We might need to open our hands and let go, in order to make room for what God has in mind to take its place.
Let’s stop assuming people don’t care or aren’t committed. Let’s start finding out what they do care about! Remember programs exist for people, not the other way around. If people aren’t coming to the programs, we need to ask some better questions. This starts by loving people, knowing them, seeing them, and hearing them. This is exactly what Jesus did!
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