022: How to Share What You’re Learning to Influence Change

Episode 022: How to Share What You’re Learning to Influence Change

Intro 0:01  
Hey, this is Laurie Graham. Welcome to The Small Church Ministry Podcast.

Laurie Graham 0:15
Hey, welcome to Episode 22. I’m so glad you’re hanging with me today. We’re gonna jump right into our topic about how to share what you’re learning to influence change. So many people have reached out saying, “How do I share this with my church?” Well, unless you’re the pastor, you probably don’t get to just jump into your church building and flip programming on its head or turn things upside down. And even if you are the pastor, you may still have some people to answer to, like elders or committees, boards, and ministry teams. 

So what happens when you’re all excited about a new idea? Like you are sure it is the answer you have been looking for. You’ve got a whole new vision, and you go back to your church and people look at you like you’re an alien, or maybe just plain crazy. Or maybe you hear things like this. “We’ve tried it before.” “It won’t make a difference.” “Who do you think you are?” Or “why would that work?” Or how about these, “we don’t have enough people,” “we don’t have the energy,” “we don’t have enough money.” And the list goes on and on and on. And it can be so discouraging when you’re all excited and maybe no one else is. Or worse yet, they may even pull you into the dark side of hopelessness because you might start believing them. They are reminding you of some beliefs maybe you used to have before to like, we’ve tried it before it won’t make a difference. Who do I think I am? Why would that work? We don’t have enough people. We don’t have enough energy. We don’t have enough money. 

So who do I think I am? Really? I’m just a volunteer? Or maybe I’m leading this ministry, but I’m not really a leader. I haven’t done this before. Or what about I just don’t have experience? Or maybe you’re the one saying I am the pastor, but I’ve got a church of 50 people, what do I know? Clearly, I’m not that great, or the church would be bigger. Well, if you find yourself, following the dark rabbit trail of negative thoughts like that, dare I say not to Christ-like thoughts, please come back and hang out with me and I will tell you who you are because you are the light of this world. You are chosen by God, you were put on this planet to influence, you are dearly loved, you are created in His image. So if you’re speaking badly to want to God’s kids, maybe you don’t do it anymore he doesn’t like that. 

Laurie Graham 2:41
Now, maybe instead of being off your rocker, you are actually speaking a boldness that is unfamiliar. Maybe you’re shining some hope that just hasn’t been seen for a while. Sharing a vision for change, and that change, maybe it’s a little bit scary for some. Because well, our brains like what’s familiar, and this new idea isn’t so familiar. The idea that small churches might just be part of God’s plan, or that God may actually be at work in your small church already. This idea that what has always been, could be changed a little. That creativity might actually have a place and that God may actually be using you, leading you literally involved in your life and leading you maybe for such a time as this. So don’t let a little naysaying bring you down. 

I get emails on a pretty regular basis, asking, “How do I share this with my ministry team? How do I share this with my pastor?” And Pastor saying, “How do I influence my church with this? Because it’s so unfamiliar.” So here we go. First off, I just want to ask, do people trust you? Like, have you built trust? So trust is built, it’s not just claimed or given. If people at your church don’t know you and like you, like you haven’t built relationships of caring, you might need to go there first. I’ve heard lots of ideas from people over the years. You know, the ideas I take the most seriously? It’s not about the idea, it’s about the people who bring me the ideas. And the ideas I take the most seriously, are brought by people who show up, people who give up their time, the ones who serve. So if you are brand new to your church, or maybe you’ve just been a little flaky, or negative, or critical lately, or maybe you haven’t been very supportive of the current leadership or vision, you might need to build up some trust. 

Now it doesn’t mean that the idea is a wrong idea. It might just be a little bit down the road, so don’t rush. And hang on, I’m going to go over a few ways to even start hearing these ideas, but it’s important to grow in your own self-awareness too. So kind of explore a little bit if people like you and trust you and work on that at the same time. Be consistent, persevere. Yes, slow down, like that’s good too, but you still do want to be consistent in sharing hope, in sharing newness. But people do need to trust you in order to listen to you. So how do you build the trust? You show up, you stay consistent, show people, you’re part of the team and not the enemy. Be a friend be part of your church community, someone who is in the good and the bad and the difficult. Be a person who builds trust by putting people before programs. So if you think it’s a trust issue, just be patient and go slow.

Laurie Graham 5:49
But speaking of that, if you think it’s a trust issue, how do you know for sure it’s a trust issue? Now most of us think we’re pretty good mind readers, and honestly, most of us are not good mind readers. Our life, our stories, our own memories, our hurts, who we are, and what we’ve been through, all of that colors, most of what we interpret. So if somebody else is having a bad day, it’s pretty easy for me to think I’m the cause. Or if somebody’s angry, I go there first, “I think what did I do? Like, why don’t they like me?” And honestly, it’s not usually me. So before you think nobody trusts you, or nobody will listen to you, I want to encourage you, yes, continue to build a relationship, continue to build trust, it’s always the best place to start. 

But let’s say people do trust you. Like you are a consistent member of your church, not just in attendance, but people know they can count on you. Even then, if people do know you and do trust you that whole thing about “We’ve done this before. Why would that help? We’ve always done it like this.” It often still rears its ugly head. And that’s what we’re going to talk about today. It’s definitely no fun, however, it is not the end of the story. If that was the end of the story, we wouldn’t have electricity, or airplanes or cell phones, or refrigerators, or pretty much anything else that we love these days. 

So persevere with wisdom, and I’m gonna give you some steps to follow. But get committed to being the one that brings the newness, get committed to being the one who’s going to bring good news, the what ifs, the solutions, and the creativity. Yes, it’s going to take some perseverance and patience, or at least it oftentimes does. But it’s not going to be nearly as hard as it was for people who developed electricity, or built airplanes, or came up with this invention called a cellphone. Like, can you imagine the technology, the parts, the studies, the science, and the money behind those things like all the trials? So let’s put it in perspective, you’re not trying to build an airplane or a rocket, you’re trying to get a new idea and a Sunday school, or a new way of empowering volunteers, or a new way to reach the community.

Laurie Graham 8:07
There’s no money, no patents, no trials, no billion-dollar investment, it’s just a little creativity, a few shifts that all of us can do, a little pivot here in there. So you’ve totally got this, do not give up, do not let go of shining your light and being an influence, because you are an influence. So here’s some steps to take to influence some change in your church, from what you’re learning here at the Creative Little Church on this Small Church Ministry podcast in the Creative Solutions for Small Churches group. 

But let me start with one thing not to do before I tell you what to do, please do not go to your pastor, your board, or your team and say, “Hey, this is what we’re doing wrong and this is how to fix it.” So unless you have the mind of God, and you don’t, you most likely have a piece of the puzzle, but not the whole thing. Especially if you got it from me because I am not a prophet. I share principles and strategies that work in small churches. Absolutely. I share some really good stuff, but I’m not a prophet. I believe we learn best in community and I think God designed it that way. I believe the combined knowledge of your church exceeds the knowledge of one person. I believe that your specific church is unique and that it’s filled with a unique mix of people, like no one else on the planet has it. So just don’t walk in like you’re a diagnostician and say, “Hey, this is the problem and this is the solution,” because you probably don’t have every piece of the puzzle. And in addition to that being the first way for people to reject you and your idea, the other thing that it does is it sets you up as an expert and then as the students. It causes a separation like, “I know the answer, you need me to fix it,” and all of a sudden, you’re not we anymore. Instead, it’s you versus them, and I totally believe the church is all about we. 

So I’m going to show you what to do instead, instead of claiming you have the solution to all your small church problems, I want to suggest that you put this image in your mind. Maybe you’re the spark, the spark that’s gonna light the fire, but you’re not the whole bonfire. Now I have a fire pit in my backyard, and I love it by the way. I actually love the smell of smoke in my clothes and in my hair, my kids think it is so bizarre. I don’t really know why, but I’ve been known to put a smoky-smelling sweatshirt on my pillow to sleep on after a great fire because I just love the smell. 

Laurie Graham 10:50
Okay, anyway, I just went off on a tangent, so sorry. But anyway, let’s go back to the spark. So I want you to imagine that you are the spark. If you put a spark under a log, what happens? It goes out. If just one spark is there, and the wind comes along, what happens? It goes out. Now, if you’re patient, and you lay out some really good kindling, and you put some logs around it, but you build it just right so the air can get in. Maybe you’re like a fancy fire builder, like you can do that teepee shape and set them up kind of like in a triangle, and you put some crumpled newspaper in there, then what happens to the spark? It flames up. But even then, sometimes you still need to tend to it. So the kindling catches, and before long, the log might start burning, and you’ve got this great fire. So treat your spark, your excitement, your idea with care. Like give it some kindling, make sure it gets some oxygen, be patient and tender to it. You’ve got a spark, a spark of inspiration, maybe from the Holy Spirit, maybe that’s even a part of it. And the last thing you want to do is let people throw a bunch of heavy logs on it before it’s had a chance to catch fire. 

So here’s how we can avoid it and do something really different instead. I’m gonna give you a few different steps. The first one is just to start conversations. I love conversations. I love asking questions. Great conversations, hopeful conversations. Conversations are what friends have, right? Like you’re not coming in as the expert or the teacher or the commander with the entire solution. If you have conversations instead, you’re friends, and what happens with people are they are less defensive. Think of it if you’re sitting around talking with your friends, we’re not so defensive but if someone comes in and tries to impose change, or say we’re wrong, it’s a very different scenario. Instead, try these kinds of phrases. “Well, what do you think if we did this?” Or, “Hey, I saw another small church that tried this, what do you think?” And just have the conversation.

Laurie Graham 13:08
Okay, my second idea is this, share a podcast episode or one of our blogs. Don’t come in and say, “Hey, I learned this from the podcast, and this is what we’re supposed to do.” Instead, just share a podcast episode, or if you get on our website, share one of the blogs, a specific one. Like don’t say, “Hey, go check out this podcast. And there’s a website and there’s a Facebook group,” because that’s like throwing a bunch of logs on the Spark. It’s too much, it’s too overwhelming, think of it. That’s not how you found us. You found me or you found the Creative Little Church, or you found the podcast, like one thing at a time. And as you saw one thing, you got a little more excited with each piece. So kind of duplicate that for other people share one podcast episode, maybe not this one, but one that has some content with an idea that you’re excited to share a new idea, a new way of thinking, and just start a conversation. So after they listen to the podcast episode, just say, “What did you think?” “Did you like that idea?” “What parts do you think might help us?” 

So it’s not unheard of at all that a teacher isn’t welcome in their own home, right? It’s kind of like the parents who taught their kids some things their entire life and the kid goes away to college and has his new best friend. And the kid comes home and says, “Hey, Mom, my friend just cooked me dinner. We had asparagus. Like, I love it. It’s so good. Why have you never cooked asparagus?” And you’re like staring at your child like, “Okay, I’ve tried to give you asparagus. I told you, it was amazing. But you didn’t want it from me.” Has that ever happened to you? Like somebody received something from someone else and you’re like, “Okay, I’ve been trying to tell you that same thing for years”? This happens to me, the same thing happens in churches. Sometimes people need to hear ideas from outside experts. 

Maybe your friend doesn’t listen to podcasts and there’s a blog on the website, you could let them see, you could even print one off and take it into your ministry team or to your Sunday school teachers, or even handed to your pastor or an elder. Like whoever you’re trying to share an idea with just let them see it and make it easy on them, but start the conversation. If you say, “Hey, go check out this website,” they have to do something extra, so you want to make it really easy. You want to print a blog post or share one episode, so they see it and then make sure you follow up on it. Like, ask them, “What did you think? What did you like?” And if you have the replays from the conference, that is also gold. 

Laurie Graham 15:42
So every conference, if you haven’t been to our online conferences, yet, we sell replays after the conference. A live conference is always free, but we sell the replays. And one of the reasons we love the replays and one of the ways that we help you use them, is we actually write monthly team trainings that utilize the replays and we do this for a few different reasons. Number one, we want to save you time and give you a great resource. And number two, we want you to use these replays as an amazing way to get people in your church excited too. It’s a way to bring in an outside expert, who knows and loves small church ministry into your church. And again, we tend to listen to outside experts before we listen to our friends, even our own pastors or our parents, or anything. There’s something about hearing something from the outside. 

Okay, let’s say you started some conversations and you shared a podcast episode or a blog post, the next thing to do when you’re sharing something new, is always to point out what is in common or what is familiar. You want to think about all the commonalities first because what’s familiar is comforting. So if you’re on a team or leading a team, you want to point out what’s in common first, not what’s changing. If you’re the first one that’s excited about a new idea, our tendency is to say, “look at this, it’s so different, there’s this and this and we can change this.” Now, that is scary for a lot of people, it’s just too much. So don’t start with what’s different start with what’s not different. 

So if the vision is the same, if we all want to reach the community, here’s another way to reach the community. Or if you’re all about kids, knowing Jesus then say, “Hey, this is another way our kids can know Jesus, it’s the same vision.” Or how about the venue? Is it in the same place? Is the room set up the same? Are the volunteers the same? Highlight every single thing you can think of that’s the same. Like “Remember, last year, we did Easter in the park? Here’s another idea that would happen in the park.” Do you see how there’s just a familiarity that’s kind of comforting? Like, okay, we’ve done something like that before. If you’re trying to enter a change into Sunday school or bringing up an idea and you’re going to try a six-week theme like I mentioned on one of the posts on the website. 

Instead of saying, “Hey, let’s get rid of our curriculum and change to this,” right? Some of you already, you’re like, “oh, my gosh, no, we gotta do that.” Instead of saying get rid of it, say, “Hey, I have an idea for Sunday school, it would still happen at the same time in the same rooms, even with the same volunteers, the kids would still be in mixed ages, just like we do now.” You see what’s happening? All of a sudden everybody’s a little more receptive because we’re highlighting things that are the same. The goal of teaching the kids about Jesus is the same, here’s what’s a little different. Do you see how that works? 

Laurie Graham 18:44
Okay, the fourth thing, be satisfied by starting with small wins. I just had a great chat with one of our newest Small Church Academy members and we were talking about how we get so excited to make a change that is hard to slow down. Can I just tell you? If you’re like that, I am totally with you. One thing I’ve learned over the years is just being really, really happy by starting with small wins, just little pieces. If there’s a lot of resistance to change, instead of going for a complete overhaul, just do a little piece of it. And here’s a great idea, if job descriptions are unfamiliar and you want to start introducing job descriptions, how about instead of writing job descriptions for everyone else, you start by writing one for yourself?

And tell your volunteers or your other Sunday school teacher, tell them you’re going to experiment with it. So maybe you’ve heard about how good job descriptions can be more motivating and help people be more productive and make a bigger impact and keep you on track with your goals. So you’re going to experiment by writing one for yourself. You can even show them how you’re writing it and what it is like share it with them. You’re making it results-oriented and about the goals that you want to achieve. And as you utilize your own job description, evaluate yourself. Get their input in evaluating you with how you’re doing at your job description. Like, okay, this is so cool. 

Like, watch what happens. If this works well, can you imagine that person saying, “hey, I want one too”? Like, that’s kind of fun, we get to celebrate when you’re doing good things. I’ve never seen a job description like that. So what about these baby steps? Like, can you be okay with a small win? Like, of course, you’re going to want a job description. A good job description isn’t restricting, it’s empowering. But again, instead of doing a whole overhaul, just do a little piece of it because oftentimes, people are going to be so much more excited about embracing it and you’re going to move ahead faster than you even can imagine. Like if you overhauled it, it would have been rejection, rejection, resistance, all this stuff. And you start with a small win and all of a sudden, it’s like a runaway train. People are excited, right? 

Laurie Graham 21:06
Another example is like, if you want to try a family worship time, and kids are usually in the Sunday school room. Just try it for part of the service, or maybe the kids stay in the service for just the song time, or maybe it’s on the fifth Sunday. Or maybe that’s too much and you just want to introduce it and say, “Hey, could we try it on a special holiday?” Maybe on a holiday, like Fourth of July, if you’re in the US, or you know, whatever holidays across the world, where maybe there’s not as many people in church. And so how cool would that be to bring the kids in on that day to try this experiment, right? 

Small little wins. A small win means it works and small wins also build trust. You know, that idea worked, maybe the next one will too so let’s try it again. So being okay with small wins, it helps build a reputation that you’re a team player an influencer, not a bulldozer like nobody wants to be bulldozed. There’s no reason to come in and push everyone over to enforce a change. So go slow and I actually think it’s very Jesus-like. Remember when they were going to stone that woman and Jesus knelt down in the sand, do you remember the story in the Gospels? Now I want you to picture the scene, there was a woman about to be stoned. Jesus could have put his hands up and said, “Stop it. What are you guys thinking?” He could have called lightning bolts down to smite people. He didn’t, he knelt down, and he started writing in the sand. That is a beautiful example of a baby step, right? Like he attracted attention. Like, “what’s he doing? This is a new idea.” Now, Jesus wasn’t trying to say that every time somebody is set for a stoning, you should kneel down and write in the sand. Okay, like, I’m not saying there aren’t times to stop everything. But he wanted people to stop being judgmental, to look at the speck in their own eye. He didn’t yell it, he did a lot of things like that slower, thoughtful, not rushed, no desperation. 

Now, I would have been desperate, I would have been like, “Oh my gosh, what are you people doing? Stop.” Can you imagine that scene? Now, luckily, or hopefully your church isn’t stoning people, and if Jesus could take that slow, then maybe the change that you want to bring to your church could be slow, too. So be happy with the slow wins. 

Laurie Graham 23:42
Alright, the last thing I will mention is trying an experiment. Now I kind of introduced that with the small wins but this is so much more like a declaration. Like let’s try this, put a time limit on it; let’s just try it for six weeks or the next session. When you’re doing an experiment, you’re going to try it and you’re going to evaluate it at the end. So at the end of the experiment, you’re going to talk about what went well, and what didn’t. Now, you don’t necessarily have to throw the whole thing out if people don’t like the experiment. Like if people say “I didn’t like that. I didn’t like that.” You might just need to tweak and try again pivot, make some adjustments because most things do not work perfectly the first time it’s tried. That’s why doing experiments and trials are so amazing. But be really clear-minded when you’re evaluating, like make sure you’re watching to see “was God at work?” Not just “did we like it or did we not?” Not hanging on to your idea and pushing it through either. God usually has a much better plan than the awesome plan that I thought was perfect. So be open and really be clear-minded when you evaluate. 

So those are my five best tips for you, about when you wanna to influence change in your church really in anything. But start some conversations, that was the first one. Share one podcast or one blog post or one outside expert type thing and have a discussion about it, just ask questions. The third thing is point to commonalities focus on what’s the same before you talk about what’s different, or what you want to change. The fourth point was being satisfied with the small wins. The fifth thing is just suggesting an experiment. “Let’s try it.”

I have one more caution or kind of a plea. Please don’t give your pastor or ministry team leader more work to do. Don’t drop the ball in their court and say “I have an idea for you to do.” This actually, is one thing that happens over and over again, especially in small churches. People have great ideas for things they think other people should do. Do you know what I’m talking about? Now, I know if you’re a pastor, you do know what I’m talking about. If you’re not a pastor, here’s what the scene looks like, “Hey, Pastor, can we talk?” “Sure.” “I’ve got a great idea. I think the church to do this”, and you fill in the blank.

Laurie Graham 26:19
Have a neighborhood block party, reach out to refugees, start a food pantry, and you’re sharing these ideas and you know what the pastor is thinking? They are thinking of all the things on their ‘When I can Get to It’ list. They already have a bunch of things they think the church should do. They’re also thinking of the conflict that’s already on the worship team or the children’s program that’s failing, or the sermon they have to prep. Or maybe they’re thinking about their spouse who’s going to be mad at them if they’re not home for dinner again.

I promise you, your pastor is not looking for something else to do, they carry so much more than you will ever know. Now, I’m not saying don’t share your idea with them, what I’m saying is don’t drop the ball in their lap. If you have an idea to share with your pastor, and you believe like, this is for your church, and this is God’s lead. Here’s an idea on how to do it instead. First, start off with how much you support their vision. You better know what that is, by the way, and I hope you really do support it. Secondly, let them know why this idea contributes to the pastor’s vision for the church, resonates with it like you’re on the same page. Make sure that you’re not going in a different direction. And then ask if it would be okay if you pursued this idea with an experiment. Or do you mind if I try this in my Sunday school class? Or do you mind if I present this to my team? What do you think? Like get their thoughts, have that conversation.
And when you present your idea, start with the small idea, not the overhaul the whole discipleship process idea. Start with hosting a ministry fair or whatever the small step would be and then you take the little steps and watch for God to show up and pivot you in a different direction. 

But whatever you do, don’t drop this ball in someone else’s court, especially not on your pastor’s plate. Because if God is giving you this idea, or this vision, you’re probably at the very least supposed to play a part in it. 

Now, if you’re trying these things, and you’re still hitting an immovable brick wall. Like you’ve taken some time to have conversations and share outside experts and point to commonalities and doing some small wins or suggesting to try an experiment. If there is still tons of resistance, like you’re not getting an inch to even try something, then you might need to dig a little deeper to find out why. And as you dig deeper, this doesn’t mean you have to get stuck in the past, but you can visit it without letting it take up residence, right?

Laurie Graham 29:13
Oftentimes, in our churches, it can feel like we are fighting the past or fighting the past memories of when that didn’t work, or we were different. But please keep in mind, you’re not really fighting the past, you’re fighting current thoughts that people have about the past. And those thoughts can feel an awful lot like evidence to people, but they’re not evidence. There were a lot of valid reasons why people thought airplanes would never fly. There may actually be valid reasons why people don’t want to try something new, because maybe they have tried it before or maybe a while ago they had a lot of hope for change like you do now, maybe they’re tired. But here’s the thing, if you’re leading a hopeless team, or people who have no hope, could they borrow your hope? Like, can you have enough hope for them?
 
I have a friend with a toddler, and she mentioned that sometimes kids just have to borrow your calm, right? Like the toddler is throwing a fit, and you’re staying calm, so they can borrow your calm. I love that so much. So with toddlers who are screaming, if you keep calm long enough, they catch it. They become calm with you, but if you escalate with them, and everybody’s hysterical, it’s just no good. So could you hang on to hope long enough, so others could borrow your hope?

Now, I know, it’s not always easy, but that’s kind of the life of being a disciple in so many ways. If you stay hopeful, and you are persistent in hope, and you hang on to the fact that God is working, and you are consistent in relationships, your hope should eventually rub off. Now, this is super biblical, think of how many hopeless things seemed to happen for Abraham, or David, or Gideon, or Esther. There were tons of reasons throughout biblical history to give up hope, but what happened often is there was one person in the midst of hopelessness, who had hope. They’re in the middle of a crowd of naysayers. There are so many examples when things turn around for good, but it wasn’t overnight. Change doesn’t usually happen like that. So you’ve got to keep your hope alive long enough so it doesn’t get snuffed out. 

Laurie Graham 31:51
Remember that image of the spark? And I just want to say we are totally with you. If you need some help to keep your hope up, join us. Join us in our free Facebook community, it’s called Creative Solutions for Small Churches. We have people in their daily sharing wins in small churches, it’s a beautiful community. Maybe we can kind of be that angel army that surrounds you that nobody else sees, but you know that we’re there cheering you on. If you want to hang out with a group of people committed to growing as leaders in small churches, come join us in the Small Church Academy. That’s where we go way beyond ideas and encouragement into growing teams and recruiting, leading speaking, casting vision, and so much more.

So before we go, who is one person in your church that you could share some hope with? Like we want to help you do that, whether it’s a podcast episode, a blog from the website, or conference replay. If you’re not sure what to share first, one of the best tools to start with is actually the five-day challenge. There is a free email challenge if you just go to the main website, and it walks you through how to do small church better. If you haven’t done the challenge yet yourself, please go to the website and sign up. 

You can even get a pretty PDF version to go through it with a friend, or share in your small group, or with your pastor. It is a perfect tool to encourage ministry leaders, other volunteers, pastors, and just kind of dip a toe into all the goodness that we have at the Creative Little Church. So remember, if you want to influence change, be the one to start the conversations be a spark, not a bulldozer. Share what you’re learning and start with small wins. And if you haven’t yet, get on the list for the free Five Day Challenge to do Small Church Better. The link is in the show notes. So have an incredible day. Thanks for hanging out with me today. And hang on to hope, be a light.