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If you struggle with involving the younger generation in your women’s ministry, you’re not alone.
In fact, in most ministry areas, there’s a certain type of person who shows up and quite a few others who stay on the sidelines.
If you want to broaden your reach, listen in to hear how involving others in the planning process might just bring the change you’ve been hoping for.
In this episode, we’ll talk about …
- Two main reasons people want to involve the uninvolved
- Why humility and love are more important than great event planning
- How planning parties work to grow your reach and how to throw one of your own
- Which 4 ingredients you can’t skip if you want people to feel heard and valued
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Episode 033: 5 One Best Solution to Bridge Generation Gaps In Women’s (or Men’s) Ministry
Intro 0:01
Hey, this is Laurie Graham. Welcome to The Small Church Ministry Podcast.
Laurie Graham 0:15
Hey, welcome back to another day that the Lord has made! I love being able to say that. Whether you are facing tough stuff today, or maybe you’ll have a day with a little more space to relax or enjoy. Either way, we still get to say that today is a day that the Lord has made, and every day, we get to know that He’s with us, walking with us, working all around us, and in us, and through us. It’s such an amazing reminder of His sovereignty, His grace, and His incredible love for us! Just another sunrise. It’s really just so good, isn’t it? You know, before we get started talking today about bridging this generation gap that so many small churches are facing, if you are looking for the free Five Day Challenge I mentioned last week to do small church better, just hop on over to thecreativelittlechurch.com, and you will see a sign up right there for the Five Day Challenge. I mentioned it on last week’s podcast, and although I said a few times that the link was in the show notes, I know, you might not have had time to go to the show notes. So just make it easy and go to thecreativelittlechurch.com, and you can literally sign up for the challenge right there. It just takes five minutes a day. It’s all about small church ministry just for five days, and a little bit about how much mindset changes everything. For many churches, it’s literally opened up new possibilities, and so much goodness.
So this week, I just love our community! Can I just say that? Like, we have this awesome community of over 6,000 people as of this recording, and it’s growing tons every week. But anyway, this amazing community of people in small churches, it is truly one of the most positive places on the internet, sharing ideas that work in small churches, offering encouragement to other people in small churches. It’s not only changing the way people feel about their small churches, and the people in them, but I’m truly seeing small churches grow in skill and success, like, right where we’re all planted. So something shifts when we start realizing that yeah, God is with me, God is here at this small place. There’s no grass is greener on the other side at a big church. Like He’s literally right here in my pasture too, right? Now, I couldn’t believe it, but this week, I had three different personal conversations with people all on a really fairly focused topic. So that’s actually what we’re going to talk about today.
Laurie Graham 2:34
As I often say, God doesn’t work around us all the time and our job is to join him. So to the best of my knowledge, when a conversation keeps coming up over and over again, or I feel like He’s nudging or sometimes for me, He has to shove me because I can be a little stubborn at times, well, I tried to bend my knee and do a little pivot to join Him. And that’s why, today, we’re going to talk about bridging the gap in women’s ministry today, and not just inviting people, but involving them in the women’s ministry. The women who don’t come or the women who have been kind of on the fringes. Now, as with most of my podcast episodes, the principles here are totally transferable to any different type of ministry, because what we’re really talking about, at the core, is just involving a certain demographic that’s not involved. Like, how do we change that? How do we invite them? How do we bring outsiders to the inside? The strategy we’re talking about today in women’s ministry as a successful way to involve a younger generation, well, it can work just as well with involving people in the community, the families at the apartment complex across the street, the youth who aren’t into singing, and so much more. We’re going to talk about some questions to ask, how to get your not so rose-colored glasses out of the way, and how to involve other people in planning. So instead of wondering why they’re not coming, they’re actually part of the process.
A lot of times I hear things like this, “I worked so hard to get them to come. We had childcare, we played their music, we played games for them, but they didn’t come.” Now, I not only hear things like this, but I’ve done things like this. When I’ve worked really hard to create something I thought someone else would like, or really, I tried to make what I liked so amazing so they might like it too. But invariably, when I hear these stories, where someone’s working really, really hard to get other people to come, if I ask one question, just one question, usually I get a blank stare, and the veil of the mystery starts to come down. No, I didn’t do that. Not that one thing, but I did all these other things. Here’s the truth though. You can do all those other things, and if you miss this one, this one thing that you can miss is absolutely the most important, game changing thing on the planet! And I also want to say this one thing is totally possible, absolutely doable for anyone. Now, it might not look exactly the same in different settings with different people or how to go about it. But you can totally do it. This one thing is having them help in the planning.
Laurie Graham 5:11
Now, the result, again, might not be exactly what you had in mind, but you can do it. And this is the biggest guarantee I can give you for ending up with different results, about getting other people involved who weren’t involved before, having them help plan. Now, usually in the setting of an older women’s ministry, trying to figure out why the younger women aren’t coming. These are the assumptions that tend to be out there. Well, the younger women don’t want to be involved or they don’t like us, or they’re too busy, or they have different priorities, or they don’t care about God or about spirituality. And you can totally make all the assumptions you want, and I’m still going to say, if you want them to come, involve them in planning. Now, this can look really different in a lot of different ways. Maybe you’re asking them what they want. And that’s how you get them involved. Maybe they’re picking events, the time, the location, the content, maybe they’re even doing a lot of the planning or doing the shopping. It doesn’t really quite matter where they’re involved, as long as they’re involved.
Now, if you’re already thinking, they won’t want to do that or you don’t know my women, that’s totally true. I don’t know the women at your church. I don’t know what they’re facing. I don’t know their priorities. I don’t know their needs, but I do know how to find out. And before I give you the absolute best way to get them included and involved in your ministry, we’ve got to start with the foundation of why you’re doing what you’re doing. Why you want to involve them, because I can only help you if we’re starting with the same why. So what’s the goal in wanting to involve the younger women? Or if you’re in youth or men’s or worship, just translate that question into your ministry area? Maybe you want to get people involved from the community, or the unchurched, or the older people, so feel free to change that question however you like. But the question remains, what is your goal in wanting to include and involve those people who aren’t involved?
Now, usually, the goal has to do with one or two categories. The one category sounds a little like this. You want to grow your program, or you want to get others to come to what you’re already doing, or you want them to value and enjoy what you’re doing. You want them to come and grow your program. The second category is a little different. The reason you want to involve them is because you want to love on them, or you want to meet their needs, or reach them, or show them Jesus. Now there really is a difference in those two categories. Sometimes meeting their needs is growing your program, but it’s not a given. What meets your needs and draws you into closer community or experience with Christ isn’t always the same for them.
Laurie Graham 7:56
So let me give you an easier analogy outside of church. So I love coffee shops. I love the smell of coffee. I love drinking coffee. I love the comfy chairs. I love watching people come and go from the coffee shop, and let’s say I want my friend to join me. I want to sit with her and know her better and have deeper conversations and enjoy the coffee together. And here’s the thing. My friend hates coffee shops. In fact, the smell of coffee gives her migraines. She doesn’t like people coming and going. She thinks it’s really distracting. Coffee shops don’t work for her. So she is never going to want to come to the coffee shop. Now, I could take that very personally and I could think she doesn’t want to spend time with me, or I could focus on the fact that she doesn’t like coffee, or she doesn’t like what I like, or that she values different things.
But maybe just maybe she does want to spend time with me but not at the coffee shop, or maybe she’s super stressed out and really can’t get away,but if I just cross her off my list because she’s not willing to meet me at the coffee shop, then I’ve just lost out on a possibility of a really good friend. So let’s say I’ve realized she hates coffee. So I’ve decided to invite her to another one of my favorite places a Chinese place or to walk at the park or let’s go to my house and she’s still not coming. Well, one day I wised up and I say Hey, Madonna. I really want to get together with you what works for you? Can you help me plan a time? And all of a sudden, like the heavens open up and she lets me know when she’s free and where she’d like to go. Now, do you see how much time and frustration I would have saved, and a lot of drama in my head too, if I had just asked her ahead of time to help me plan?
Now, this truly is a life changer and it’s a life changer and ministry too! Now, if you happen to be thinking, well, she must be very self centered that she wouldn’t just come and meet me for coffee at my time when it was convenient for me, that’s definitely one way of looking at it. Like, why should I have to change my plans for her? But here’s the thing, I don’t. I don’t have to change my plans for her. This takes us back to that foundational question, though. Why do you want to involve them? Why do you want them to come? If you want to grow your program and get others to come to enjoy what you’re doing, to have them value and love exactly what you’re already doing, I can absolutely give you some tips how to advertise better and promote better. But in the end, if they don’t like what you’re doing, or how you’re doing it, people have free choice, and although many people work really hard at changing people’s minds, that’s not really worth my time, in my estimation.
Laurie Graham 10:34
However, if you want them to come for the other reason, like you want to love them better, you want to reach them, you want to meet their needs, you want to know them, you want to show them Jesus, then let’s go, because I can totally help you with that! In fact, we have a step-by-step resource that walks you through a proven strategy to plan your ministry based on getting the input of those you want to involve. One of the first posts I actually wrote for The Creative Little Church website had to do with doing a planning party for your youth group. And actually, not even really for your youth group, but with your youth group and the parents and the volunteers too! Now, it was such a big hit and got such great results that people were sharing it like crazy, and even posting their testimonies and photos about how awesome it was. So before long, we adapted this post, and we wrote a post about holding a planning party for your women’s ministry, and even quicker than the other one, the testimonies just started pouring in with more detailed questions and asking for advice on how to launch or relaunch a women’s ministry with a more inclusive feel that got more people involved in helping and leading and we did it! We actually created a step-by-step bundle with a QuickStart Guide, coupled with a Foundation’s Workbook. So not only can you restart strong, but you can develop the needed foundation to build a women’s ministry that includes other people, that stays solid and grows in the future, and it is so so good.
I want to walk you through some other principles that you can apply whether or not you grab this resource or not. If you do want the resource, check out the show notes. You can find the free blog post also on the website. There is tons of good stuff in there, but there are a few things in there that people try to shortcut. Or they say, “Well, I did it except for this piece” and the funny thing is, sometimes the things that they eliminate are the most important reason why the strategy works to include other people. So then, if you don’t have the results you want, you got to go back and say, hmm, what did I skip? It’s kind of like finding a great recipe that everyone brags about, but then deciding you’re going to try it without the baking powder or without the sugar, and then you wonder why it didn’t taste so good. So here are a few really big, crucial ingredients to put in place iff you want to involve people in planning who weren’t involved before, or those who seem to stay away or those who you’re not reaching. So here’s a few of the ingredients.
Laurie Graham 13:06
And number one is please have a planning party. Now, this is what we totally unpack in that free blog post. It’s in the show notes. So check it out, what a planning party includes, and basically, the gist is this. Parties are fun. They include people, and food, and games, and music. Parties are fun, and you get to pick to go to them, you choose to be there. Meetings, on the other hand, are boring. So quit having meetings and have a planning party. If you want a really different result, you need to do something different. So again, check out that blog post, it’ll give you more stuff. The people who have had planning parties like we do, they usually never go back. It actually becomes an annual tradition, and everybody loves it and looks forward to it.
Okay, second crucial, crucial thing. Invite everyone. Everyone! This is not a planning party for your ministry team or your core leaders. It’s a planning party for everyone involved. In fact, check with some of those new people who are not involved that you want to get involved. Check with them before you choose the date for the planning party. Include them on planning the date, let them know you want their input. Let them know it will be fun, it will be different. Now, if you’re going to do this thing, and invite everyone to be part of the planning, if you’re going to do it well, it’s going to take some humility and a lot of love. And without that, don’t even try it, because involving new people who haven’t been involved before, they’re gonna have some different priorities you don’t have. They might want things that you’ve never done before or to do them differently or things you might not even want. If they didn’t have differences, they’d already be coming.
So here’s the thing, if you invite everyone and you value their opinion, just make sure you approach it with humility and love. And here’s where, a lot of times, you gotta go back to your ‘why’. Are you just trying to grow your program or are you really trying to love people better? And here’s the hint. One of those things is a thing that we are called to do by Jesus Himself, to love others. The other one, grow a program, that’s not really in the Bible. Now, if you want to plan with your little small core group of people that is already planned, you can totally do that, but remember this. Even if you keep other people in mind, you will not have the same results. I promise. I’ve seen it over and over again. So, cast the net wider. Invite more people.
Laurie Graham 15:31
Okay. Now, the third thing that I want to mention, this is much more important than you think it is. In fact, it’s one of the things a lot of people eliminate. They have no idea that they just like put the kibosh on the whole system, and it has to do with the Post-it Notes. The Post-it Notes matter. Now, if you have no idea what I’m talking about, because you haven’t read or heard about our planning party, here’s part of the party process. We have Post-it Notes on all the tables for everybody. In fact, every single person gets their own Post-it Notepad, and there’s a few different times during the party where you ask a question like, “Hey, what are some events you would bring your friends to?” and everybody’s quiet, but they’re writing, and they put one thing on each Post-it Note and just stick it in the middle of the table. So they might write down a Bible study, they might say paintballing, they might say, I don’t know, a tea party, whatever it would be, and you end up with all these Post-it Notes. But the gist behind the Post-it Notes is it’s individual, and it’s quiet. Now some people eliminate the Post-it Notes because they’re like, well, we don’t need that. We all share. We like to talk. We don’t want to be quiet. And but here’s why they matter.
Using Post-it Notes in this way, and I’m going to tell you businesses use it like this is kind of part of a storyboarding process, some people have been through in different industries, but this is why it matters. The Post-it Notes, if you do it right, the way we tell you, is it gets more ideas out on the table, you will get better ideas out on the table,and you will get ideas from people who normally don’t talk or scared to say what they’re thinking, which means you get to hear from everyone! Because here’s the thing, introverts tend to get talked over. People who process before they think in meetings, they get talked over, and they never get their ideas out or they’re too polite to interrupt all these people who are interrupting, and you’ll never actually hear from them.
The other thing is people are used to getting their ideas shot down. Have you ever like shared an idea and somebody just looked at you like it was just really stupid? You know, like, that’s a dumb idea. That’s bad. Like who would do that? What that does, which most of us have grown up with that in our culture over and over again, people look at us like we’re crazy, or it’s a bad idea, or that would never work right? Especially in churches, sometimes. What that does is, it trains people to share their ideas less, and I don’t believe that’s very godlike. I believe He gave us creativity on purpose. Another thing is, people are used to not having their ideas valued. Have you ever shared an idea and nobody ever did it? Nobody ever looked at it. Nobody ever acknowledged it.
Laurie Graham 18:06
Nobody ever even said, “Wow, that’s a cool idea.” So they’re used to that, and so that’s why the Post-it Notes really help. It’s a little more anonymous. You’re writing it down. You’re sticking in a table. There’s no judgment, and the whole idea is to get as many ideas out as possible! So the more ideas, the better. We’re not judging them good or bad. And then when these Post-it Notes come in, you love every idea. You may not use every idea, well you won’t be able to use every idea, and you might use some in the future, but when you love every idea, you are teaching people to love every idea! You’re teaching them that their ideas matter, that you value them and their ideas. So do not skip the Post-it Notes.
Okay, and the other super crucial thing in these planning parties is to have positive feedback to find the good, to stay on track, to do it quickly, to not allow side conversations that sidetrack you really from what you’re doing. So often in our meetings, something comes up and we turn our minds and we just focus on that, which can go good or bad, and these important, these conversations are important, but they’re not for now. So you’ve got to keep these planning parties on track and really, really focused. Because, again, you’re showing people a different side of church ministry, a different side of meetings, a different way of leading, and a new way of letting people know they matter!
So these four things integrate planning party to involve people who have not been involved before, to have the party, to invite everyone, to utilize the Post-it Notes just how we tell you, and to keep things positive and on track. They’re so important for a great planning party. Honestly, every step we include in the plan is vital, which is why we created the ministry bundle that not only sets you up for a quick start, but it also includes that Foundation’s Workbook, for the long haul, of creating a mission and vision, and setting up a plan that leads to amazing impact for the long term in women’s ministry!
If you want to include other people, involve them in the planning, and this works. If you think they won’t come or they won’t want to share, you know what, first off, it’s not true. People do want to be heard. Now, they may or may not come to your planning party, but they do want to be valued. We get so tired of people not listening to us, not understanding, or not caring. When I’ve asked another person for their thoughts, or their opinions, or what they wanted, or what their experience was like, I have never had a single person refuse to give me their input. Not if they knew that I really cared. Have you? Honestly, we humans are usually pretty delighted that someone actually wants to listen to us, without interrupting, without sharing why we’re wrong in they’re right, but just to listen. Do you know how much this world would change? If we all became better listeners? Like how much the church would change if we listened to what people were feeling, what their struggles were? Not just assuming, but just loved people better?
Laurie Graham 21:17
So, when it comes to the task at hand, if you’re in a women’s ministry, wanting to get the younger women involved in your ministry, what do you think about including them in on the planning, about having a planning party and planning it around their schedule, so they would come about including them maybe in this hub that’s been pretty tight planning it together for a long time? Because maybe these younger women have zero interest in coming to your Bible study at 7pm on Wednesday night, but maybe, just maybe, they would love for someone to pray for them in a different way. Maybe they would have zero interest in helping with your annual church garage sale that you need volunteers at, but maybe they would love to help set-up a Moms and Muffin tent during Vacation Bible School, to hand out muffins or build relationships with people in the community. Or maybe they have had zero interest for many years in coming to your retreat, but maybe they didn’t really understand it, and maybe being part of the planning and letting their ideas come into the mix would get them more excited, and they’d even want to invite a friend.
You know, it’s hard to let go of the way that we think ministry should look like or the way it has looked. I get it. It is for me too, but if I want to reach someone in a different generation, or with different preferences, we need to be willing not just to start trying different things, like I talked about with the coffee shop, but inviting them in to help change the landscape. As I mentioned, it’s gonna take humility and a little bit of letting go. It might take growing and listening skills or going way out of your comfort zone, to have a conversation with someone that you’re not even sure likes you, right? But it’s gonna serve you well. If that is, the goal is to meet them and meet them in their needs and to love them better, but that doesn’t always fit with the way we’ve done things or growing our current programs.
Now, again, this goes for reaching your community with Vacation Bible School. Maybe they’re not coming in, you want to get them coming. Well, why not find a few of them outside in the community, and invite them in to help plan it? What would meet the needs of your family. This goes for youth groups, too. You want to get the older kids involved who think they’re too cool for school, right? Invite them in to help you plan the next lock in! Men, if you want to get the oldest and the youngest mixing together, have a few from each generation come together to help plan the next event. Don’t just invite them to an event that was planned for them, but invite them in to help with the planning and use those Post-it Notes, please! Find the blog on the website. It’s going to, it’s going to really show you how to use them, but but do it. Just try it! If you’ve never done it before and you think it’s silly, please, just try it because I promise you it works. The link for that blog post is in the show notes.
Laurie Graham 24:17
But if you are in women’s ministry, I’ll do you one better, actually maybe 1,000 times better. Purchase the women’s ministry bundle. It is just $29 and it will change your ministry. It has a QuickStart Guide that will lead you step-by-step through a four week plan to launch or relaunch your women’s ministry. Now, that QuickStart Guide includes a very detailed plan for a launch party, which combines the best of a planning party with a little more vision, which is very specific for kicking off a new ministry or restarting a ministry with new momentum. It is amazing. In addition, the bundle also has a Foundation’s Workbook that takes you through the importance of your history, to where you want to go next. It walks you through core values, the ministry funnel strategy, and so much more. It is a workbook to take you through foundational elements that you need to create an amazing women’s ministry.
In addition to the QuickStart Guide and the Foundation’s Workbook, the women’s ministry bundle also has a promotional women’s handbook template that we created all pretty and professional and ready for you to drop in the specifics of your church, the ministry name, the church name, and all of that. So that it is a specific, just it’s such a really good, cool guidebook to be able to hand guests and visitors and just to be able to talk about the ministry that you’ve poured your heart into. Plus, in the bundle, we’ve also created promotional graphics for your launch party with the verbiage to communicate it, and really great graphics so that you look pretty and professional. And there are templates in Canva. So if you’re new to Canva, we also have a free tutorial in there that walks you through how to set up a free account with Canva, and how to drop your specific church info into the graphics. So they are quick and easy and ready to use and share with your church to invite them to come join you at this launch party.
Laurie Graham 26:17
Now I know it’s a lot! All that for $29? We are sticking to our commitment to make the resources that we produce as accessible as possible for small churches everywhere. So whether you’re going to just check out the free blog post, which has tons of great info on how to, how to run a planning party, that link is in the show notes, or whether you want to grab that bundle for just $29 you can totally go grab it today! Either one is going to be invaluable. We have so much more goodness around the corner too. But for now, just think about who’s on the outside of your ministry. Maybe they peek in now and then but never quite get involved. Or maybe they’re even outside your church. Like what would it take to reach out? How could you invite them into a conversation about their needs, their struggles, their life? How could you invite them in on planning something that would meet their needs?
I would love to know. Feel free to drop me a line on Facebook or Instagram at The Creative Little Church, and again to grab the Done For You resources in that women’s ministry bundle just go to the creativelittlechurch.com/women’s-ministry-bundle and the link is also in the show notes. Take care and have a great week. We’ll talk again soon. Be a light!
Intro 0:01
Hey, this is Laurie Graham. Welcome to The Small Church Ministry Podcast.
Laurie Graham 0:15
Hey, welcome back to another day that the Lord has made! I love being able to say that. Whether you are facing tough stuff today, or maybe you’ll have a day with a little more space to relax or enjoy. Either way, we still get to say that today is a day that the Lord has made, and every day, we get to know that He’s with us, walking with us, working all around us, and in us, and through us. It’s such an amazing reminder of His sovereignty, His grace, and His incredible love for us! Just another sunrise. It’s really just so good, isn’t it? You know, before we get started talking today about bridging this generation gap that so many small churches are facing, if you are looking for the free Five Day Challenge I mentioned last week to do small church better, just hop on over to thecreativelittlechurch.com, and you will see a sign up right there for the Five Day Challenge. I mentioned it on last week’s podcast, and although I said a few times that the link was in the show notes, I know, you might not have had time to go to the show notes. So just make it easy and go to thecreativelittlechurch.com, and you can literally sign up for the challenge right there. It just takes five minutes a day. It’s all about small church ministry just for five days, and a little bit about how much mindset changes everything. For many churches, it’s literally opened up new possibilities, and so much goodness.
So this week, I just love our community! Can I just say that? Like, we have this awesome community of over 6,000 people as of this recording, and it’s growing tons every week. But anyway, this amazing community of people in small churches, it is truly one of the most positive places on the internet, sharing ideas that work in small churches, offering encouragement to other people in small churches. It’s not only changing the way people feel about their small churches, and the people in them, but I’m truly seeing small churches grow in skill and success, like, right where we’re all planted. So something shifts when we start realizing that yeah, God is with me, God is here at this small place. There’s no grass is greener on the other side at a big church. Like He’s literally right here in my pasture too, right? Now, I couldn’t believe it, but this week, I had three different personal conversations with people all on a really fairly focused topic. So that’s actually what we’re going to talk about today.
Laurie Graham 2:34
As I often say, God doesn’t work around us all the time and our job is to join him. So to the best of my knowledge, when a conversation keeps coming up over and over again, or I feel like He’s nudging or sometimes for me, He has to shove me because I can be a little stubborn at times, well, I tried to bend my knee and do a little pivot to join Him. And that’s why, today, we’re going to talk about bridging the gap in women’s ministry today, and not just inviting people, but involving them in the women’s ministry. The women who don’t come or the women who have been kind of on the fringes. Now, as with most of my podcast episodes, the principles here are totally transferable to any different type of ministry, because what we’re really talking about, at the core, is just involving a certain demographic that’s not involved. Like, how do we change that? How do we invite them? How do we bring outsiders to the inside? The strategy we’re talking about today in women’s ministry as a successful way to involve a younger generation, well, it can work just as well with involving people in the community, the families at the apartment complex across the street, the youth who aren’t into singing, and so much more. We’re going to talk about some questions to ask, how to get your not so rose-colored glasses out of the way, and how to involve other people in planning. So instead of wondering why they’re not coming, they’re actually part of the process.
A lot of times I hear things like this, “I worked so hard to get them to come. We had childcare, we played their music, we played games for them, but they didn’t come.” Now, I not only hear things like this, but I’ve done things like this. When I’ve worked really hard to create something I thought someone else would like, or really, I tried to make what I liked so amazing so they might like it too. But invariably, when I hear these stories, where someone’s working really, really hard to get other people to come, if I ask one question, just one question, usually I get a blank stare, and the veil of the mystery starts to come down. No, I didn’t do that. Not that one thing, but I did all these other things. Here’s the truth though. You can do all those other things, and if you miss this one, this one thing that you can miss is absolutely the most important, game changing thing on the planet! And I also want to say this one thing is totally possible, absolutely doable for anyone. Now, it might not look exactly the same in different settings with different people or how to go about it. But you can totally do it. This one thing is having them help in the planning.
Laurie Graham 5:11
Now, the result, again, might not be exactly what you had in mind, but you can do it. And this is the biggest guarantee I can give you for ending up with different results, about getting other people involved who weren’t involved before, having them help plan. Now, usually in the setting of an older women’s ministry, trying to figure out why the younger women aren’t coming. These are the assumptions that tend to be out there. Well, the younger women don’t want to be involved or they don’t like us, or they’re too busy, or they have different priorities, or they don’t care about God or about spirituality. And you can totally make all the assumptions you want, and I’m still going to say, if you want them to come, involve them in planning. Now, this can look really different in a lot of different ways. Maybe you’re asking them what they want. And that’s how you get them involved. Maybe they’re picking events, the time, the location, the content, maybe they’re even doing a lot of the planning or doing the shopping. It doesn’t really quite matter where they’re involved, as long as they’re involved.
Now, if you’re already thinking, they won’t want to do that or you don’t know my women, that’s totally true. I don’t know the women at your church. I don’t know what they’re facing. I don’t know their priorities. I don’t know their needs, but I do know how to find out. And before I give you the absolute best way to get them included and involved in your ministry, we’ve got to start with the foundation of why you’re doing what you’re doing. Why you want to involve them, because I can only help you if we’re starting with the same why. So what’s the goal in wanting to involve the younger women? Or if you’re in youth or men’s or worship, just translate that question into your ministry area? Maybe you want to get people involved from the community, or the unchurched, or the older people, so feel free to change that question however you like. But the question remains, what is your goal in wanting to include and involve those people who aren’t involved?
Now, usually, the goal has to do with one or two categories. The one category sounds a little like this. You want to grow your program, or you want to get others to come to what you’re already doing, or you want them to value and enjoy what you’re doing. You want them to come and grow your program. The second category is a little different. The reason you want to involve them is because you want to love on them, or you want to meet their needs, or reach them, or show them Jesus. Now there really is a difference in those two categories. Sometimes meeting their needs is growing your program, but it’s not a given. What meets your needs and draws you into closer community or experience with Christ isn’t always the same for them.
Laurie Graham 7:56
So let me give you an easier analogy outside of church. So I love coffee shops. I love the smell of coffee. I love drinking coffee. I love the comfy chairs. I love watching people come and go from the coffee shop, and let’s say I want my friend to join me. I want to sit with her and know her better and have deeper conversations and enjoy the coffee together. And here’s the thing. My friend hates coffee shops. In fact, the smell of coffee gives her migraines. She doesn’t like people coming and going. She thinks it’s really distracting. Coffee shops don’t work for her. So she is never going to want to come to the coffee shop. Now, I could take that very personally and I could think she doesn’t want to spend time with me, or I could focus on the fact that she doesn’t like coffee, or she doesn’t like what I like, or that she values different things.
But maybe just maybe she does want to spend time with me but not at the coffee shop, or maybe she’s super stressed out and really can’t get away,but if I just cross her off my list because she’s not willing to meet me at the coffee shop, then I’ve just lost out on a possibility of a really good friend. So let’s say I’ve realized she hates coffee. So I’ve decided to invite her to another one of my favorite places a Chinese place or to walk at the park or let’s go to my house and she’s still not coming. Well, one day I wised up and I say Hey, Madonna. I really want to get together with you what works for you? Can you help me plan a time? And all of a sudden, like the heavens open up and she lets me know when she’s free and where she’d like to go. Now, do you see how much time and frustration I would have saved, and a lot of drama in my head too, if I had just asked her ahead of time to help me plan?
Now, this truly is a life changer and it’s a life changer and ministry too! Now, if you happen to be thinking, well, she must be very self centered that she wouldn’t just come and meet me for coffee at my time when it was convenient for me, that’s definitely one way of looking at it. Like, why should I have to change my plans for her? But here’s the thing, I don’t. I don’t have to change my plans for her. This takes us back to that foundational question, though. Why do you want to involve them? Why do you want them to come? If you want to grow your program and get others to come to enjoy what you’re doing, to have them value and love exactly what you’re already doing, I can absolutely give you some tips how to advertise better and promote better. But in the end, if they don’t like what you’re doing, or how you’re doing it, people have free choice, and although many people work really hard at changing people’s minds, that’s not really worth my time, in my estimation.
Laurie Graham 10:34
However, if you want them to come for the other reason, like you want to love them better, you want to reach them, you want to meet their needs, you want to know them, you want to show them Jesus, then let’s go, because I can totally help you with that! In fact, we have a step-by-step resource that walks you through a proven strategy to plan your ministry based on getting the input of those you want to involve. One of the first posts I actually wrote for The Creative Little Church website had to do with doing a planning party for your youth group. And actually, not even really for your youth group, but with your youth group and the parents and the volunteers too! Now, it was such a big hit and got such great results that people were sharing it like crazy, and even posting their testimonies and photos about how awesome it was. So before long, we adapted this post, and we wrote a post about holding a planning party for your women’s ministry, and even quicker than the other one, the testimonies just started pouring in with more detailed questions and asking for advice on how to launch or relaunch a women’s ministry with a more inclusive feel that got more people involved in helping and leading and we did it! We actually created a step-by-step bundle with a QuickStart Guide, coupled with a Foundation’s Workbook. So not only can you restart strong, but you can develop the needed foundation to build a women’s ministry that includes other people, that stays solid and grows in the future, and it is so so good.
I want to walk you through some other principles that you can apply whether or not you grab this resource or not. If you do want the resource, check out the show notes. You can find the free blog post also on the website. There is tons of good stuff in there, but there are a few things in there that people try to shortcut. Or they say, “Well, I did it except for this piece” and the funny thing is, sometimes the things that they eliminate are the most important reason why the strategy works to include other people. So then, if you don’t have the results you want, you got to go back and say, hmm, what did I skip? It’s kind of like finding a great recipe that everyone brags about, but then deciding you’re going to try it without the baking powder or without the sugar, and then you wonder why it didn’t taste so good. So here are a few really big, crucial ingredients to put in place iff you want to involve people in planning who weren’t involved before, or those who seem to stay away or those who you’re not reaching. So here’s a few of the ingredients.
Laurie Graham 13:06
And number one is please have a planning party. Now, this is what we totally unpack in that free blog post. It’s in the show notes. So check it out, what a planning party includes, and basically, the gist is this. Parties are fun. They include people, and food, and games, and music. Parties are fun, and you get to pick to go to them, you choose to be there. Meetings, on the other hand, are boring. So quit having meetings and have a planning party. If you want a really different result, you need to do something different. So again, check out that blog post, it’ll give you more stuff. The people who have had planning parties like we do, they usually never go back. It actually becomes an annual tradition, and everybody loves it and looks forward to it.
Okay, second crucial, crucial thing. Invite everyone. Everyone! This is not a planning party for your ministry team or your core leaders. It’s a planning party for everyone involved. In fact, check with some of those new people who are not involved that you want to get involved. Check with them before you choose the date for the planning party. Include them on planning the date, let them know you want their input. Let them know it will be fun, it will be different. Now, if you’re going to do this thing, and invite everyone to be part of the planning, if you’re going to do it well, it’s going to take some humility and a lot of love. And without that, don’t even try it, because involving new people who haven’t been involved before, they’re gonna have some different priorities you don’t have. They might want things that you’ve never done before or to do them differently or things you might not even want. If they didn’t have differences, they’d already be coming.
So here’s the thing, if you invite everyone and you value their opinion, just make sure you approach it with humility and love. And here’s where, a lot of times, you gotta go back to your ‘why’. Are you just trying to grow your program or are you really trying to love people better? And here’s the hint. One of those things is a thing that we are called to do by Jesus Himself, to love others. The other one, grow a program, that’s not really in the Bible. Now, if you want to plan with your little small core group of people that is already planned, you can totally do that, but remember this. Even if you keep other people in mind, you will not have the same results. I promise. I’ve seen it over and over again. So, cast the net wider. Invite more people.
Laurie Graham 15:31
Okay. Now, the third thing that I want to mention, this is much more important than you think it is. In fact, it’s one of the things a lot of people eliminate. They have no idea that they just like put the kibosh on the whole system, and it has to do with the Post-it Notes. The Post-it Notes matter. Now, if you have no idea what I’m talking about, because you haven’t read or heard about our planning party, here’s part of the party process. We have Post-it Notes on all the tables for everybody. In fact, every single person gets their own Post-it Notepad, and there’s a few different times during the party where you ask a question like, “Hey, what are some events you would bring your friends to?” and everybody’s quiet, but they’re writing, and they put one thing on each Post-it Note and just stick it in the middle of the table. So they might write down a Bible study, they might say paintballing, they might say, I don’t know, a tea party, whatever it would be, and you end up with all these Post-it Notes. But the gist behind the Post-it Notes is it’s individual, and it’s quiet. Now some people eliminate the Post-it Notes because they’re like, well, we don’t need that. We all share. We like to talk. We don’t want to be quiet. And but here’s why they matter.
Using Post-it Notes in this way, and I’m going to tell you businesses use it like this is kind of part of a storyboarding process, some people have been through in different industries, but this is why it matters. The Post-it Notes, if you do it right, the way we tell you, is it gets more ideas out on the table, you will get better ideas out on the table,and you will get ideas from people who normally don’t talk or scared to say what they’re thinking, which means you get to hear from everyone! Because here’s the thing, introverts tend to get talked over. People who process before they think in meetings, they get talked over, and they never get their ideas out or they’re too polite to interrupt all these people who are interrupting, and you’ll never actually hear from them.
The other thing is people are used to getting their ideas shot down. Have you ever like shared an idea and somebody just looked at you like it was just really stupid? You know, like, that’s a dumb idea. That’s bad. Like who would do that? What that does, which most of us have grown up with that in our culture over and over again, people look at us like we’re crazy, or it’s a bad idea, or that would never work right? Especially in churches, sometimes. What that does is, it trains people to share their ideas less, and I don’t believe that’s very godlike. I believe He gave us creativity on purpose. Another thing is, people are used to not having their ideas valued. Have you ever shared an idea and nobody ever did it? Nobody ever looked at it. Nobody ever acknowledged it.
Laurie Graham 18:06
Nobody ever even said, “Wow, that’s a cool idea.” So they’re used to that, and so that’s why the Post-it Notes really help. It’s a little more anonymous. You’re writing it down. You’re sticking in a table. There’s no judgment, and the whole idea is to get as many ideas out as possible! So the more ideas, the better. We’re not judging them good or bad. And then when these Post-it Notes come in, you love every idea. You may not use every idea, well you won’t be able to use every idea, and you might use some in the future, but when you love every idea, you are teaching people to love every idea! You’re teaching them that their ideas matter, that you value them and their ideas. So do not skip the Post-it Notes.
Okay, and the other super crucial thing in these planning parties is to have positive feedback to find the good, to stay on track, to do it quickly, to not allow side conversations that sidetrack you really from what you’re doing. So often in our meetings, something comes up and we turn our minds and we just focus on that, which can go good or bad, and these important, these conversations are important, but they’re not for now. So you’ve got to keep these planning parties on track and really, really focused. Because, again, you’re showing people a different side of church ministry, a different side of meetings, a different way of leading, and a new way of letting people know they matter!
So these four things integrate planning party to involve people who have not been involved before, to have the party, to invite everyone, to utilize the Post-it Notes just how we tell you, and to keep things positive and on track. They’re so important for a great planning party. Honestly, every step we include in the plan is vital, which is why we created the ministry bundle that not only sets you up for a quick start, but it also includes that Foundation’s Workbook, for the long haul, of creating a mission and vision, and setting up a plan that leads to amazing impact for the long term in women’s ministry!
If you want to include other people, involve them in the planning, and this works. If you think they won’t come or they won’t want to share, you know what, first off, it’s not true. People do want to be heard. Now, they may or may not come to your planning party, but they do want to be valued. We get so tired of people not listening to us, not understanding, or not caring. When I’ve asked another person for their thoughts, or their opinions, or what they wanted, or what their experience was like, I have never had a single person refuse to give me their input. Not if they knew that I really cared. Have you? Honestly, we humans are usually pretty delighted that someone actually wants to listen to us, without interrupting, without sharing why we’re wrong in they’re right, but just to listen. Do you know how much this world would change? If we all became better listeners? Like how much the church would change if we listened to what people were feeling, what their struggles were? Not just assuming, but just loved people better?
Laurie Graham 21:17
So, when it comes to the task at hand, if you’re in a women’s ministry, wanting to get the younger women involved in your ministry, what do you think about including them in on the planning, about having a planning party and planning it around their schedule, so they would come about including them maybe in this hub that’s been pretty tight planning it together for a long time? Because maybe these younger women have zero interest in coming to your Bible study at 7pm on Wednesday night, but maybe, just maybe, they would love for someone to pray for them in a different way. Maybe they would have zero interest in helping with your annual church garage sale that you need volunteers at, but maybe they would love to help set-up a Moms and Muffin tent during Vacation Bible School, to hand out muffins or build relationships with people in the community. Or maybe they have had zero interest for many years in coming to your retreat, but maybe they didn’t really understand it, and maybe being part of the planning and letting their ideas come into the mix would get them more excited, and they’d even want to invite a friend.
You know, it’s hard to let go of the way that we think ministry should look like or the way it has looked. I get it. It is for me too, but if I want to reach someone in a different generation, or with different preferences, we need to be willing not just to start trying different things, like I talked about with the coffee shop, but inviting them in to help change the landscape. As I mentioned, it’s gonna take humility and a little bit of letting go. It might take growing and listening skills or going way out of your comfort zone, to have a conversation with someone that you’re not even sure likes you, right? But it’s gonna serve you well. If that is, the goal is to meet them and meet them in their needs and to love them better, but that doesn’t always fit with the way we’ve done things or growing our current programs.
Now, again, this goes for reaching your community with Vacation Bible School. Maybe they’re not coming in, you want to get them coming. Well, why not find a few of them outside in the community, and invite them in to help plan it? What would meet the needs of your family. This goes for youth groups, too. You want to get the older kids involved who think they’re too cool for school, right? Invite them in to help you plan the next lock in! Men, if you want to get the oldest and the youngest mixing together, have a few from each generation come together to help plan the next event. Don’t just invite them to an event that was planned for them, but invite them in to help with the planning and use those Post-it Notes, please! Find the blog on the website. It’s going to, it’s going to really show you how to use them, but but do it. Just try it! If you’ve never done it before and you think it’s silly, please, just try it because I promise you it works. The link for that blog post is in the show notes.
Laurie Graham 24:17
But if you are in women’s ministry, I’ll do you one better, actually maybe 1,000 times better. Purchase the women’s ministry bundle. It is just $29 and it will change your ministry. It has a QuickStart Guide that will lead you step-by-step through a four week plan to launch or relaunch your women’s ministry. Now, that QuickStart Guide includes a very detailed plan for a launch party, which combines the best of a planning party with a little more vision, which is very specific for kicking off a new ministry or restarting a ministry with new momentum. It is amazing. In addition, the bundle also has a Foundation’s Workbook that takes you through the importance of your history, to where you want to go next. It walks you through core values, the ministry funnel strategy, and so much more. It is a workbook to take you through foundational elements that you need to create an amazing women’s ministry.
In addition to the QuickStart Guide and the Foundation’s Workbook, the women’s ministry bundle also has a promotional women’s handbook template that we created all pretty and professional and ready for you to drop in the specifics of your church, the ministry name, the church name, and all of that. So that it is a specific, just it’s such a really good, cool guidebook to be able to hand guests and visitors and just to be able to talk about the ministry that you’ve poured your heart into. Plus, in the bundle, we’ve also created promotional graphics for your launch party with the verbiage to communicate it, and really great graphics so that you look pretty and professional. And there are templates in Canva. So if you’re new to Canva, we also have a free tutorial in there that walks you through how to set up a free account with Canva, and how to drop your specific church info into the graphics. So they are quick and easy and ready to use and share with your church to invite them to come join you at this launch party.
Laurie Graham 26:17
Now I know it’s a lot! All that for $29? We are sticking to our commitment to make the resources that we produce as accessible as possible for small churches everywhere. So whether you’re going to just check out the free blog post, which has tons of great info on how to, how to run a planning party, that link is in the show notes, or whether you want to grab that bundle for just $29 you can totally go grab it today! Either one is going to be invaluable. We have so much more goodness around the corner too. But for now, just think about who’s on the outside of your ministry. Maybe they peek in now and then but never quite get involved. Or maybe they’re even outside your church. Like what would it take to reach out? How could you invite them into a conversation about their needs, their struggles, their life? How could you invite them in on planning something that would meet their needs?
I would love to know. Feel free to drop me a line on Facebook or Instagram at The Creative Little Church, and again to grab the Done For You resources in that women’s ministry bundle just go to the creativelittlechurch.com/women’s-ministry-bundle and the link is also in the show notes. Take care and have a great week. We’ll talk again soon. Be a light!