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If you’re wondering how to respond to volunteers who commit but don’t show up, you’re not alone.
Whether it’s a one-time thing, becoming a habit, or a pervasive issue in your ministry area or church, listen in to learn:
- Why an immediate response is a lot more effective than ignoring it
- The importance of having a pre-set policy for unexpected cancellations
- How difficult conversations can actually deepen relationships when they are filled with grace
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Episode 047: When Volunteers Commit But Don’t Show Up | Responding To Volunteers Part 2
Laurie Graham 0:01
Hey, this is Laurie Graham. Welcome to the Small Church Ministry Podcast.
Laurie Graham 0:15
Welcome to Episode 47, as we continue in our series about responding to volunteers. Before we dive in, I just want to thank Lawrence for leaving a review for the podcast. He said, “I love it. I am a small church pastor in rural Washington state, and this has provided some great insight for me.” Thank you, Lawrence for listening. And also just for giving me some feedback. It just means the world to me! This series on Responding to Volunteers was really born out of questions that kept popping up in a free workshop series that I did recently called The Volunteer Journey. Questions kept coming up like this. What do I say when somebody does this? Or how do I respond to this? So, I’m taking specific phrases and questions that were very common for many, many people in small churches, and really taking them one-by-one to talk about how to respond. Because it turns out, most of us who work with volunteers in small churches, we really are really nice, and we want to be caring. And we also want people to like us, but we know that sometimes there’s really important stuff to get done in churches. And we’re just not sure, always, how to make that happen. So we’re left in some uncomfortable positions or unfamiliar territory.
Many people in small churches are accidental leaders, like, maybe they stepped up to help without realizing, you know, that you were going to be put in charge, and suddenly you were. I’m not sure if you’ve ever seen this sitcom called The Middle. It’s a sitcom here in the US and it’s not live anymore right now, but it’s fun to go back and watch the reruns sometimes, but the dad’s name is Mike. And there was one episode where somebody asked Mike to help coach girl’s soccer and Mike did not want to do this, but if he coached his daughter got to play. So he said, okay, very resistantly, he said, I will help. Now he shows up to coach soccer and the head coach says, oh, sorry, buddy, my work just called. In fact, I can’t coach anymore. And Mike, has ended up holding the whistle for the entire season. Like, to talk about on the job training. When I saw that episode, for the first time, I just had to laugh, because I know that’s what happens to many of us in small churches. We say “Hey, I can help” hesitantly, right, and all of a sudden, you may be in charge. And I know this, partially because you all tell me your experiences, but also I have lived it.
So if you’re trying to figure out how to work better with volunteers, or find them, or maybe even just be a better volunteer yourself, you are in good company. And here’s the thing, very few of us have ever been taught to work with volunteers. What do you say when this happens. And even if you’re a manager in a secular job or you are a defined, confident leader, sometimes it’s a little bit different in the church. But in some ways, it just feels different because people are still people, and we still do need to get stuff done. Now, of course, in the church, many of us are not getting paid. In fact, most of us. If you are one of the ones getting paid, I bet you work with a whole lot of people who aren’t, thus the word volunteer.
Laurie Graham 2:49
So I want to unpack this word just a little bit, because volunteer doesn’t actually mean you get to show up when you want and not when you don’t, not if you’ve already said you’re going to be there. Just because you’re not getting paid doesn’t mean that commitment goes out the door. Like, can you imagine if that were really the standard? Well, I’m a volunteer. So whether I sign up or not, I don’t need to be there. In the ideal world, of course, every yes would really be a yes and every no would be a no, and that’s a good thing. However, it’s not reality. Because even with the most committed of people, emergencies come up, unexpected things happen. And we need to weigh the cost. Now, if we say yes and follow through awesome, and if we say no, we’re off the hook, but most of us know it’s not always that easy.
So the question that keeps coming up is, what do I do when people say they’re coming, but then they don’t? They were supposed to help but they didn’t show up, or they had signed up to bring cookies and didn’t do that, or, and this one comes up a lot, they say they’re coming to a ministry training and I plan it and then no one’s there. Now it’s tough enough to get by volunteers, but when they say they’re coming, and they don’t show up, well, that just adds a whole other weight. So what do you say and how do you respond? My first question is, what is your response now? And I seriously want to know. If a volunteer show, doesn’t show up, what happens? Do you respond? Does someone acknowledge it? Is there a phone call? Do people ask why? Or, and this happens a lot, do you pretend it didn’t matter? Do you ignore it? Do you ask them to serve again? What is the response? Because chances are, your response is part of the culture of why this pattern is continuing.
Now, if you don’t acknowledge it or if we let people off the hook, which this sounds kind of like this, if you let people off the hook, “Oh, that’s okay. Stuff happens,” but deep inside, you might be pretty irked. You’re just letting people off the hook. And if you do that, you’re pretty much teaching your volunteers that it’s okay when they don’t come, or they don’t call or they don’t show up, and it’s totally fine, if that keeps happening. So your response influences them. And I don’t just mean you, we have to look at the whole church culture here. Maybe you’re a volunteer on a team and the leader, that’s their response. Or maybe it’s the pastor or different teams. Now, of course, there are situations that do come up and we do need to be filled with grace. There’s emergencies, there’s sicknesses, there’s just errors that happen, but how do you respond even then with kindness, and love and care, and still let people know it’s not okay to repetitively not show up. It’s not okay to commit to coming without the intention of following through.
Laurie Graham 7:01
And the first thing I’ll say is you absolutely need to respond, and honestly, the sooner you respond, the better. For me, if someone is supposed to be there, and they are even late, I will shoot a quick text saying, “Hey, are you coming?” Because again, you’re just acknowledging that you need them or you miss them. So it’s totally fine to shoot a text or make a quick call. Now, if you feel like you’re too busy to send a two second text right in the middle of it, which would be pretty rare. If you really don’t have time to send a text, you still want to respond as soon as possible. If you need to wait till after the event, shoot a quick text after the event or make a quick call saying, “Hey, we missed you Is everything okay?”
In that case, you might get a response right away. And here’s where grace comes in, and forgiveness, and even some humility, because you may have communicated it wrong, the wrong date, the wrong time. They may have written down the wrong date, or the wrong time, or they may have simply forgotten. There also really might have been an emergency or an illness, which is why I always start with the assumption that something is wrong, that something did happen, or something could have, instead of starting with an assumption that somebody is not committed, because quite honestly, your assumption will show in the tone of voice and even in a text, whether you’re being judgey, or whether you’re being graceful and caring.
Now, if you do find out that there really wasn’t anything wrong, or they were just tired, or they decided to watch TV, here’s phase two. So you found out what was wrong, you responded right away. Phase two is this. I totally understand sometimes things come up, but we really need somebody here if you’ve committed because there’s a vital role that you are going to fulfill. So when you can’t come, could you please find your own substitute? If that’s your policy. Now, you may have a different policy or a different way of doing things, a different system.
Maybe it’s, if you can’t come, would you please call me so that I know, because I was worried or I got anxious, or I wasn’t sure how to go to a plan B. And there absolutely is a time, if this continues in a repetitive way, there’s definitely a time to say hey, for this job, we need somebody who’s consistently there. How is this working for you? Like, what’s going on to have the deeper conversation and even, to even state I know you want to be successful. I know you want to do your part. I know you want to support me, but maybe this is not a good fit.
Laurie Graham 9:52
The main thing in these difficult conversations is to be honest, yes, but also come with your heart in a good place, to work through any feelings you have of feeling defeated or disappointed or misunderstood or unloved, even. When you can deal with those emotions first, because really, that person didn’t cause your emotions that it may have contributed, but we’ve got to get that cleared up so that when we have these kinds of conversations, we are coming in love with grace. But it’s also important to have a plan of what does happen when people don’t show up. Because quite honestly, that is the truth. There will be times when a volunteer doesn’t show up and it doesn’t mean they are not committed or in the wrong place. But if you have a plan ahead of time, it really shows a lot of great leadership. And not only that, but it will actually lessen anxiety and stress, and even misunderstandings and hurt relationships.
So when it comes to having a plan ahead of time, I love the plan or the system, where if somebody can’t come, they know ahead of time that it’s their job to find a replacement, to find somebody who can fill their needed role. And if they can’t, then definitely make a phone call. But if you think about this intentionally ahead of time, would you ever intentionally train your volunteers and say, “Hey, if you commit to something, and you can’t come, just don’t show up, it’s okay.” Like, that’s ludicrous, isn’t it? But when we don’t take the time to plan ahead of time and let volunteers and different people know what the process is if something does come up, then that’s really on us as leaders.
The other thing having a process does for when they can’t make it is it really gives a lot of freedom, and it builds more health into your ministry team. Because volunteers should not be showing up sick or with the flu, or with migraines, or when they are so burnt out they’re not even handling their stuff at home well. We need to give people an allowance of hey, if this is not working, then this is what to do, so that there is a step and there is freedom. And so they don’t feel like they’re in an eternal position that they can’t get out of, or in a place where they’re always letting you down.
Laurie Graham 12:21
Now when it comes to why people don’t show up, and really understanding and getting to the bottom of that, it takes some beautiful relational work sometimes, because it’s not always a sickness or an illness or an emergency, but it usually has something to do with this. It has something to do with the fact that maybe they don’t think it’s important that they show up. I’m not saying what you’re doing or the task or the job or the event isn’t important, but they don’t think their role is important, or important enough. Now, if you’re the ministry leader, it’s not only your job to share the vision of why it’s important, but it’s also in your court to make sure their presence actually is important. If this volunteer has taken time to come before and felt like their time was wasted, well, there’s a little responsibility to share in that.
And this happens in a lot of churches and in a lot of volunteer positions. It’s happened to me, I’ve been asked to help before, like with setup, and I show up, I actually take my time to show up, and I get there and everything’s done. Somebody had come early to set up and I’m, in my head, realizing how much time I just wasted where I could have been spending it on other priorities. So it doesn’t just happen to people now and then, it’s probably happened to you. And when those things happen, people really do question if it is important that they’re there. Or maybe they were asked to help at a youth event and they showed up, and the main person was doing everything and they felt unneeded. So, if we can take a deeper look at why people aren’t coming, especially if it’s habitual, if this is happening a lot, then we can have a much better, healthier response, and an honest conversation. And honest conversations, well, they only come when there is a trusted relationship. So again, boiling it down again to having good relationships, and going deeper.
So the first time this happens, there may be a quick response like “Hey, are you coming?” If it’s happening on a regular basis, then you do need to usually have a deeper conversation and an honest conversation, because maybe this is not a good fit for them or maybe it’s not a good time. Maybe it’s just not a good season. And if it’s not, there is no reason to panic or feel desperate, not if you know God is at work and He always is! He’s got a plan. If this person is not a good fit, there’s going to be someone else, or there’s going to be a change in how you do things or how you function or the program. Because if you do end up losing a volunteer because you gave them grace and permission to quit, I just want to point out some amazing things that result from that, from losing a volunteer because you gave them grace and permission.
Laurie Graham 15:26
Four huge benefits. Number one, that person gained some freedom in letting their yes be yes and their no be no. They have some freedom in finding a better fit, and not feeling guilty or put upon that they have like, you know, damaged this program. The second amazing benefit is that you don’t have to keep getting stressed or angry or feeling dumped on because you can’t count on that person. You’ve accepted the truth, and you’ve allowed them to move on. Third amazing benefit, you just saved a relationship, or at least you helped it not get any worse because living in that tension can only result in difficult feelings if it’s not dealt with. The fourth amazing benefit is you’ve also grown as a leader, by not avoiding, by being honest, by dealing with your emotions, and reaching out in love to have a difficult conversation that resulted in some amazing things.
Now, if you’re in charge of a ministry area, the best way, again, to avoid this conversation and this difficult thing is to actually have core values and systems in place like I mentioned earlier. Having a policy ahead of time, letting volunteers know what to do if they cannot make it because they are needed. And the other big thing to do to help avoid this scenario, in general, or at least on an ongoing basis, is to give volunteers meaningful jobs, utilizing them, needing them, and honoring them, honoring them enough to treat them with value and honesty, as adults working together, and adults with good relationships. So if somebody doesn’t show up, it’s pretty natural to ask, why, isn’t it? If this was a friend of yours and you had a plan? For some reason, in the church, we make that awkward when it doesn’t need to be awkward.
Sometimes we feel like we can’t have these normal conversations because you’re in charge and they’re volunteering or they’re coming to help you. Like it’s not nice to ask? Well, they’re the ones who said they’d be there, it’s totally fine to ask. And honestly, if I don’t show up, I would like someone to notice that. And if it’s true that people really do like being successful and doing good jobs and honoring their word, and I do believe it is, instead of ignoring it or stewing about it, let’s help them do that. Be the people that they want to be.
Ask, have a conversation, dig a little deeper, find out why. If they are needed, let them know. If they truly are not needed, please let them go. And if they don’t really want to be there, then release them to find a spot of fit where they actually are serving in joy and out of desire. And honestly, it would be even more beautiful if you were part of helping them find a better fit. Wouldn’t that be awesome if one ministry area is helping another ministry area in a small church, instead of competing for volunteers time? Because that’s what the church should be.
Laurie Graham 18:51
Taking responsibility for our yeses is so important, but let’s help others do the same in grace and in love. We are all in this together. Whether you are the volunteer or the leader of volunteers, or paid staff or pastor or all of the above, small church ministry does not have to be this terrible grind that ends in defeat and broken relationships and stressed out people and burnout. It doesn’t have to be like that at all. So, stick with us here at Small Church Ministry because we want to walk with you through this to be reflecting our relationship with Christ, our personal growth as disciples, and also learning to be a community, a church community, who reflects Him too, as a body. Remember that your relationships are much more reflective of your heart than the programs that you run. Let me say that again.
Your relationships are much more reflective of your heart than the programs that you run. So often we pour all of our energy into programs and we are running around, trying to carry too much weight, that we have little energy left for people, and that should not be because people? That’s why we’re here. Jesus Christ did not come to earth to redeem programs, He came to redeem His people, to call them, to pursue them, and to show us how to live and how to do ministry together.
Well, that’s all I have for you today. It was beautiful to spend this time with you. Would you do me a favor and leave a review of this podcast just wherever you’re listening from on any platform. Your leaving a review not only gives me amazing feedback, but it also really helps other people in small churches find the encouragement that they don’t even know exists yet, and also find solutions that they’re trying so hard to find. Because we know that small church ministry isn’t less, but it sure is different. So drop a review from wherever you’re listening from! And until next week, be a light.
Laurie Graham 0:01
Hey, this is Laurie Graham. Welcome to the Small Church Ministry Podcast.
Laurie Graham 0:15
Welcome to Episode 47, as we continue in our series about responding to volunteers. Before we dive in, I just want to thank Lawrence for leaving a review for the podcast. He said, “I love it. I am a small church pastor in rural Washington state, and this has provided some great insight for me.” Thank you, Lawrence for listening. And also just for giving me some feedback. It just means the world to me! This series on Responding to Volunteers was really born out of questions that kept popping up in a free workshop series that I did recently called The Volunteer Journey. Questions kept coming up like this. What do I say when somebody does this? Or how do I respond to this? So, I’m taking specific phrases and questions that were very common for many, many people in small churches, and really taking them one-by-one to talk about how to respond. Because it turns out, most of us who work with volunteers in small churches, we really are really nice, and we want to be caring. And we also want people to like us, but we know that sometimes there’s really important stuff to get done in churches. And we’re just not sure, always, how to make that happen. So we’re left in some uncomfortable positions or unfamiliar territory.
Many people in small churches are accidental leaders, like, maybe they stepped up to help without realizing, you know, that you were going to be put in charge, and suddenly you were. I’m not sure if you’ve ever seen this sitcom called The Middle. It’s a sitcom here in the US and it’s not live anymore right now, but it’s fun to go back and watch the reruns sometimes, but the dad’s name is Mike. And there was one episode where somebody asked Mike to help coach girl’s soccer and Mike did not want to do this, but if he coached his daughter got to play. So he said, okay, very resistantly, he said, I will help. Now he shows up to coach soccer and the head coach says, oh, sorry, buddy, my work just called. In fact, I can’t coach anymore. And Mike, has ended up holding the whistle for the entire season. Like, to talk about on the job training. When I saw that episode, for the first time, I just had to laugh, because I know that’s what happens to many of us in small churches. We say “Hey, I can help” hesitantly, right, and all of a sudden, you may be in charge. And I know this, partially because you all tell me your experiences, but also I have lived it.
So if you’re trying to figure out how to work better with volunteers, or find them, or maybe even just be a better volunteer yourself, you are in good company. And here’s the thing, very few of us have ever been taught to work with volunteers. What do you say when this happens. And even if you’re a manager in a secular job or you are a defined, confident leader, sometimes it’s a little bit different in the church. But in some ways, it just feels different because people are still people, and we still do need to get stuff done. Now, of course, in the church, many of us are not getting paid. In fact, most of us. If you are one of the ones getting paid, I bet you work with a whole lot of people who aren’t, thus the word volunteer.
Laurie Graham 2:49
So I want to unpack this word just a little bit, because volunteer doesn’t actually mean you get to show up when you want and not when you don’t, not if you’ve already said you’re going to be there. Just because you’re not getting paid doesn’t mean that commitment goes out the door. Like, can you imagine if that were really the standard? Well, I’m a volunteer. So whether I sign up or not, I don’t need to be there. In the ideal world, of course, every yes would really be a yes and every no would be a no, and that’s a good thing. However, it’s not reality. Because even with the most committed of people, emergencies come up, unexpected things happen. And we need to weigh the cost. Now, if we say yes and follow through awesome, and if we say no, we’re off the hook, but most of us know it’s not always that easy.
So the question that keeps coming up is, what do I do when people say they’re coming, but then they don’t? They were supposed to help but they didn’t show up, or they had signed up to bring cookies and didn’t do that, or, and this one comes up a lot, they say they’re coming to a ministry training and I plan it and then no one’s there. Now it’s tough enough to get by volunteers, but when they say they’re coming, and they don’t show up, well, that just adds a whole other weight. So what do you say and how do you respond? My first question is, what is your response now? And I seriously want to know. If a volunteer show, doesn’t show up, what happens? Do you respond? Does someone acknowledge it? Is there a phone call? Do people ask why? Or, and this happens a lot, do you pretend it didn’t matter? Do you ignore it? Do you ask them to serve again? What is the response? Because chances are, your response is part of the culture of why this pattern is continuing.
Now, if you don’t acknowledge it or if we let people off the hook, which this sounds kind of like this, if you let people off the hook, “Oh, that’s okay. Stuff happens,” but deep inside, you might be pretty irked. You’re just letting people off the hook. And if you do that, you’re pretty much teaching your volunteers that it’s okay when they don’t come, or they don’t call or they don’t show up, and it’s totally fine, if that keeps happening. So your response influences them. And I don’t just mean you, we have to look at the whole church culture here. Maybe you’re a volunteer on a team and the leader, that’s their response. Or maybe it’s the pastor or different teams. Now, of course, there are situations that do come up and we do need to be filled with grace. There’s emergencies, there’s sicknesses, there’s just errors that happen, but how do you respond even then with kindness, and love and care, and still let people know it’s not okay to repetitively not show up. It’s not okay to commit to coming without the intention of following through.
Laurie Graham 7:01
And the first thing I’ll say is you absolutely need to respond, and honestly, the sooner you respond, the better. For me, if someone is supposed to be there, and they are even late, I will shoot a quick text saying, “Hey, are you coming?” Because again, you’re just acknowledging that you need them or you miss them. So it’s totally fine to shoot a text or make a quick call. Now, if you feel like you’re too busy to send a two second text right in the middle of it, which would be pretty rare. If you really don’t have time to send a text, you still want to respond as soon as possible. If you need to wait till after the event, shoot a quick text after the event or make a quick call saying, “Hey, we missed you Is everything okay?”
In that case, you might get a response right away. And here’s where grace comes in, and forgiveness, and even some humility, because you may have communicated it wrong, the wrong date, the wrong time. They may have written down the wrong date, or the wrong time, or they may have simply forgotten. There also really might have been an emergency or an illness, which is why I always start with the assumption that something is wrong, that something did happen, or something could have, instead of starting with an assumption that somebody is not committed, because quite honestly, your assumption will show in the tone of voice and even in a text, whether you’re being judgey, or whether you’re being graceful and caring.
Now, if you do find out that there really wasn’t anything wrong, or they were just tired, or they decided to watch TV, here’s phase two. So you found out what was wrong, you responded right away. Phase two is this. I totally understand sometimes things come up, but we really need somebody here if you’ve committed because there’s a vital role that you are going to fulfill. So when you can’t come, could you please find your own substitute? If that’s your policy. Now, you may have a different policy or a different way of doing things, a different system.
Maybe it’s, if you can’t come, would you please call me so that I know, because I was worried or I got anxious, or I wasn’t sure how to go to a plan B. And there absolutely is a time, if this continues in a repetitive way, there’s definitely a time to say hey, for this job, we need somebody who’s consistently there. How is this working for you? Like, what’s going on to have the deeper conversation and even, to even state I know you want to be successful. I know you want to do your part. I know you want to support me, but maybe this is not a good fit.
Laurie Graham 9:52
The main thing in these difficult conversations is to be honest, yes, but also come with your heart in a good place, to work through any feelings you have of feeling defeated or disappointed or misunderstood or unloved, even. When you can deal with those emotions first, because really, that person didn’t cause your emotions that it may have contributed, but we’ve got to get that cleared up so that when we have these kinds of conversations, we are coming in love with grace. But it’s also important to have a plan of what does happen when people don’t show up. Because quite honestly, that is the truth. There will be times when a volunteer doesn’t show up and it doesn’t mean they are not committed or in the wrong place. But if you have a plan ahead of time, it really shows a lot of great leadership. And not only that, but it will actually lessen anxiety and stress, and even misunderstandings and hurt relationships.
So when it comes to having a plan ahead of time, I love the plan or the system, where if somebody can’t come, they know ahead of time that it’s their job to find a replacement, to find somebody who can fill their needed role. And if they can’t, then definitely make a phone call. But if you think about this intentionally ahead of time, would you ever intentionally train your volunteers and say, “Hey, if you commit to something, and you can’t come, just don’t show up, it’s okay.” Like, that’s ludicrous, isn’t it? But when we don’t take the time to plan ahead of time and let volunteers and different people know what the process is if something does come up, then that’s really on us as leaders.
The other thing having a process does for when they can’t make it is it really gives a lot of freedom, and it builds more health into your ministry team. Because volunteers should not be showing up sick or with the flu, or with migraines, or when they are so burnt out they’re not even handling their stuff at home well. We need to give people an allowance of hey, if this is not working, then this is what to do, so that there is a step and there is freedom. And so they don’t feel like they’re in an eternal position that they can’t get out of, or in a place where they’re always letting you down.
Laurie Graham 12:21
Now when it comes to why people don’t show up, and really understanding and getting to the bottom of that, it takes some beautiful relational work sometimes, because it’s not always a sickness or an illness or an emergency, but it usually has something to do with this. It has something to do with the fact that maybe they don’t think it’s important that they show up. I’m not saying what you’re doing or the task or the job or the event isn’t important, but they don’t think their role is important, or important enough. Now, if you’re the ministry leader, it’s not only your job to share the vision of why it’s important, but it’s also in your court to make sure their presence actually is important. If this volunteer has taken time to come before and felt like their time was wasted, well, there’s a little responsibility to share in that.
And this happens in a lot of churches and in a lot of volunteer positions. It’s happened to me, I’ve been asked to help before, like with setup, and I show up, I actually take my time to show up, and I get there and everything’s done. Somebody had come early to set up and I’m, in my head, realizing how much time I just wasted where I could have been spending it on other priorities. So it doesn’t just happen to people now and then, it’s probably happened to you. And when those things happen, people really do question if it is important that they’re there. Or maybe they were asked to help at a youth event and they showed up, and the main person was doing everything and they felt unneeded. So, if we can take a deeper look at why people aren’t coming, especially if it’s habitual, if this is happening a lot, then we can have a much better, healthier response, and an honest conversation. And honest conversations, well, they only come when there is a trusted relationship. So again, boiling it down again to having good relationships, and going deeper.
So the first time this happens, there may be a quick response like “Hey, are you coming?” If it’s happening on a regular basis, then you do need to usually have a deeper conversation and an honest conversation, because maybe this is not a good fit for them or maybe it’s not a good time. Maybe it’s just not a good season. And if it’s not, there is no reason to panic or feel desperate, not if you know God is at work and He always is! He’s got a plan. If this person is not a good fit, there’s going to be someone else, or there’s going to be a change in how you do things or how you function or the program. Because if you do end up losing a volunteer because you gave them grace and permission to quit, I just want to point out some amazing things that result from that, from losing a volunteer because you gave them grace and permission.
Laurie Graham 15:26
Four huge benefits. Number one, that person gained some freedom in letting their yes be yes and their no be no. They have some freedom in finding a better fit, and not feeling guilty or put upon that they have like, you know, damaged this program. The second amazing benefit is that you don’t have to keep getting stressed or angry or feeling dumped on because you can’t count on that person. You’ve accepted the truth, and you’ve allowed them to move on. Third amazing benefit, you just saved a relationship, or at least you helped it not get any worse because living in that tension can only result in difficult feelings if it’s not dealt with. The fourth amazing benefit is you’ve also grown as a leader, by not avoiding, by being honest, by dealing with your emotions, and reaching out in love to have a difficult conversation that resulted in some amazing things.
Now, if you’re in charge of a ministry area, the best way, again, to avoid this conversation and this difficult thing is to actually have core values and systems in place like I mentioned earlier. Having a policy ahead of time, letting volunteers know what to do if they cannot make it because they are needed. And the other big thing to do to help avoid this scenario, in general, or at least on an ongoing basis, is to give volunteers meaningful jobs, utilizing them, needing them, and honoring them, honoring them enough to treat them with value and honesty, as adults working together, and adults with good relationships. So if somebody doesn’t show up, it’s pretty natural to ask, why, isn’t it? If this was a friend of yours and you had a plan? For some reason, in the church, we make that awkward when it doesn’t need to be awkward.
Sometimes we feel like we can’t have these normal conversations because you’re in charge and they’re volunteering or they’re coming to help you. Like it’s not nice to ask? Well, they’re the ones who said they’d be there, it’s totally fine to ask. And honestly, if I don’t show up, I would like someone to notice that. And if it’s true that people really do like being successful and doing good jobs and honoring their word, and I do believe it is, instead of ignoring it or stewing about it, let’s help them do that. Be the people that they want to be.
Ask, have a conversation, dig a little deeper, find out why. If they are needed, let them know. If they truly are not needed, please let them go. And if they don’t really want to be there, then release them to find a spot of fit where they actually are serving in joy and out of desire. And honestly, it would be even more beautiful if you were part of helping them find a better fit. Wouldn’t that be awesome if one ministry area is helping another ministry area in a small church, instead of competing for volunteers time? Because that’s what the church should be.
Laurie Graham 18:51
Taking responsibility for our yeses is so important, but let’s help others do the same in grace and in love. We are all in this together. Whether you are the volunteer or the leader of volunteers, or paid staff or pastor or all of the above, small church ministry does not have to be this terrible grind that ends in defeat and broken relationships and stressed out people and burnout. It doesn’t have to be like that at all. So, stick with us here at Small Church Ministry because we want to walk with you through this to be reflecting our relationship with Christ, our personal growth as disciples, and also learning to be a community, a church community, who reflects Him too, as a body. Remember that your relationships are much more reflective of your heart than the programs that you run. Let me say that again.
Your relationships are much more reflective of your heart than the programs that you run. So often we pour all of our energy into programs and we are running around, trying to carry too much weight, that we have little energy left for people, and that should not be because people? That’s why we’re here. Jesus Christ did not come to earth to redeem programs, He came to redeem His people, to call them, to pursue them, and to show us how to live and how to do ministry together.
Well, that’s all I have for you today. It was beautiful to spend this time with you. Would you do me a favor and leave a review of this podcast just wherever you’re listening from on any platform. Your leaving a review not only gives me amazing feedback, but it also really helps other people in small churches find the encouragement that they don’t even know exists yet, and also find solutions that they’re trying so hard to find. Because we know that small church ministry isn’t less, but it sure is different. So drop a review from wherever you’re listening from! And until next week, be a light.