What To Do When Others Are Grieving In Your Small Church

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Here are 6 ways to support someone who is grieving, plus a list of what not to do.

When one of your small church friends is going through any type of grieving process, it’s hard to find the right words to say. It’s also very difficult to know what to do, or even what not to do.

In a small church, a loss can affect many people. We are so entwined with one another’s life, that each person’s pain is felt through the whole congregation. We are called to bear one another’s burdens, and supporting one another through grief is one way to show the love of Christ.

6 Practical Ways To Support Those Who Are Grieving

So what do people need when they experience a major loss and are grieving?

I surveyed a group of women who’ve experienced grief and asked for their best tips to help those who are grieving. Here are the top 6 responses to support and show love to others who are grieving.

1. Let Them Know You Care

Regularly checking up on someone by sending them a text message, email, even a quick phone call, or sending a card in the mail can show someone that you care. Regular words of encouragement like “thinking of you”, “love you”, and “praying for you” can lift someone’s spirits that day.

Don’t forget hugs!! Nothing says “I care about you” more than a big hug. We were made for human contact. Physical contact can reduce stress and communicate emotions to others. Believe it or not, that may be the first hug someone has had in a long time.

Do you realize that validating someone’s feelings by saying, “It’s okay, to not be okay” can show support? Maybe someone feels guilty for the tragedy or that they shouldn’t be “this upset”. Letting them know that their feelings are their feelings. You can support them by just showing kindness and understanding.

Acknowledging the anniversary of the event by sending flowers or a card shows the grieving person that you realize just because time has passed, the grief doesn’t stop.

2. Offer Support in Everyday Life

Bring over disposable goods: paper plates, cups, paper towels, and plastic utensils. No one wants to deal with dishes during this time.

Helping out with daily chores: doing the dishes (that no one wants to deal with), house cleaning, picking up groceries, taking care of the pets, etc.

Offer to help out with the kids: picking up/dropping off at school or activities. Take them out to the park or to an event. Or just take care of them at the family’s home.

Meals are always a win. Make sure to consider any dietary needs. Bring food items in disposable containers. If there are dishes involved, offer to clean them and get them back to their rightful owner. It’s also a good idea to offer to go grocery shopping for them so that they have accessible food on hand.

Someone suggested bringing over comfort items. How about a new blanket, some movies, a favorite treat, lotions, or bath salts? Going the extra mile can really show someone you care.

Offer to help clean out the house or room of the deceased family member. Bring boxes, tape, and markers. Help organize what will be done with these items. Your grieving friend may have a hard time lining up these things and may appreciate your help in that area. Be careful not to push them to get rid of things they aren’t ready to release. Just be there in case they need or want help.

3. Share Wonderful Memories

Many people process by talking through difficult emotions. Talking allows the grieving person to work through a complicated grief process. It’s also really important to be a good listener. Oftentimes, there’s not a lot that you can say that will help or fix the situation, but the best thing you can do is genuinely listen to them and empathize. It can aid in helping the event seem real and possibly bring closure.

Sharing stories of loved ones is a natural response to people’s feelings of grief. Sharing special memories can bring joy to the memory of the person. You may tell them a heartwarming story they’ve never heard. Let the grieving person know how the deceased person affected your life.

If you aren’t able to share your memories personally, send a card or a message.

4. Offer To Hang Out With Them

Be present. Supporting those who are grieving can be as simple as just “being there”. This included hanging out, watching a movie, and having dinner together.

No words need to be spoken, just your presence. Even just doing day-to-day things together, like going to the grocery store. Doing life with this person can be a great way to support them through this incredibly difficult time.

Offer a safe place for them to experience the different types of grief and complex emotions that come as a result of losing someone they love.

If you offer to the person “anything you need,” really mean it and be available for whatever is needed. If you see a need, fill it. Don’t wait to be asked.

5. Tell Them You’re Praying For Them

Maybe it goes without saying that you will pray for those who are experiencing grief. However, intercede for that person. Ask the Lord for His comfort and peace. Then, go a step further and let them know that you are praying.

As time passes, continue to remind them!

6. Attend A Grief Share Program With Them

If you’re fortunate enough to have a Grief Share program at your church or community, encourage the grieving person to attend. Go with them if you are able.

Look into starting a Grief Share program if there isn’t one accessible, or encourage them to attend one of the support groups in your area. These can be a great time to share their own experiences with people who are going through or have gone through similar things.

Avoid These Mistakes With Someone Grieving

So now you know what to do, here are the top 6 responses of what not to do:

1. Don’t Try To Make Them Look On The Bright Side

There is no bright side to losing a loved one, and this can honestly be the worst thing to tell someone who is grieving.

2. Don’t Diminish Their Grief

Just because their loved one was older or had a terminal illness, their grief isn’t minimized.

3. Don’t Comment About How They Look

This only adds to the stress of “keeping up appearances”. Even if you have good intentions when bringing this up, it isn’t important to talk about it during this time.

4. Don’t Share Your Own Experience

Unless asked, keep your experiences to yourself. This is the time to focus on the way they experience grief, not the way you did.

5. Avoid Platitudes

Yes, if they were a believer, they would be in a better place, but this doesn’t make this devastating loss feel any better.

6. Not Saying Or Doing Anything

You may feel uncomfortable and be afraid you’ll say something dumb. However, a hug goes a long way, or “I’m so sorry for your loss” speaks for itself.

And when Christmastime comes around, check out these resources too:

Blue Christmas Services Offer Hope & Healing For Someone Who Is Grieving

Talk with your pastor or church leadership about having a Blue Christmas Service. For many, Christmas is not “the most wonderful time of the year” (as the song goes). It is often a time of intense sadness for people who have lost a loved one. However, a Blue Christmas Service can offer some hope amid their healing process.

The idea behind the Blue Christmas Service is to create space for the acknowledgment of the heaviness often carried during this season, and offer the hope that Jesus gives.

Blue Christmas Worship Service – Healing & Hope In The Holidays

Although written for Christmas time, these simple ideas are easily adaptable, and offer extra help during other times of the year too!

12 Ideas To Reach Out To The Hurting

Looking for a way to bring some hope and healing to this holiday season?

Check out the Blue Christmas Service Pack.