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If you hear a lot of nos when you’re looking for new volunteers, you’re not alone. Trying to run small church programs with limited volunteers is a challenge regardless of the size of your church. Consider why volunteers say no.
Instead of letting the no’s dim your hope, erode your passion, or exhaust your energy, keep reading to learn how you can experience God’s grace and compassion in the midst of it all instead. We’ll be going over the following:
- 8 reasons why volunteers say no, and why being busy is not one of them
- The three most destructive responses to nos, and how to avoid them
- Why compassion is a lot more productive than judgment
- A reasonable alternative to doing it yourself when there’s no one else to do it
Our Powerful Calling
When it comes to small churches, we can’t do anything without volunteers, and I believe God designed the church that way. We were never meant to hire out all of the jobs to professionals. I don’t think that’s a bad thing, though. If you can pay your pastor, please do. However, if we hire all the jobs out, this wrecks God’s plan for us to use our gifts, work together, and be interdependent. We are called to be motivated by the greater good and be a servant above all.
I don’t think that we can ever fully understand the whole of what God has for us. I believe that’s part of seeing in the mirror dimly, and knowing that we will one day see Jesus face-to-face, and I believe that, until then, we will never fully have it all down. However, I think we can look clearly at principles and the great way God has created us, with our motivations and hearts to follow His example.
The “Nos” We Get And What to Do With Them
If you’re tired of hearing no, or it hurts your feelings or makes you angry, please know you’re not alone. That is very common. It can be challenging to hear nos, but the good thing is, if you didn’t care about what you’re doing, it really wouldn’t bother you.
The only reason it’s tough to hear no in the church is because you care, and that’s an amazing place to start. In fact, it’s one of the reasons I love the community we have at Small Church Ministry. The people who look and find us care. They deeply care about their church, their faith, and their people.
It’s important to know why volunteers say no. Volunteers don’t say no because they’re too busy. I’m not saying they aren’t busy, it’s just not why they say no. We’re all busy, or at least we all fill our time with something. The thing is, we fill our own time with whatever we prioritize. The reason why volunteers say no is because what you’re asking is not a priority to them. So the more helpful question is:
“Why is what I’m asking them to do not a priority?”
Why Is It Not A Priority For Them?
When considering why volunteers say no, we need to refrain from labeling people as uncommitted, irresponsible, unhelpful, or consumer Christians, and start by loving them. I know this is hard when your feelings are hurt or you feel taken advantage of, and we’ll get to that, but I want to start here. If you’re going to love people, it’s important to understand them.
I know you may say that you love everyone with the love of the Lord, and I get it, but do they feel that love from you? What good is it to love someone if they feel unloved? Your response to someone telling you no is the best way to show someone love. When someone says no, rather than assuming they’re busy or uncommitted, dig a little deeper.
8 Reasons Why Volunteers Say No
Regarding why volunteers say no, it all comes down to the fact that you’re asking them to do something that’s not a priority. It may not be a priority for several reasons:
- They have other commitments during the time and space you’re asking of them.
- They are dealing with things you don’t know about like relational conflict, health issues, or other personal issues.
- They suffer from chronic health issues, auto-immune diseases, mental health issues, or exhaustion. Even if you know about these things, you may not know the extent of them.
- They are caring for people with chronic health issues, auto-immune diseases, depression, or mental health.
- They are insecure or scared.
- They don’t feel safe or loved by you or others.
- They’ve had a terrible volunteering experience in the past.
- They have other priorities that are not yours, which means they’re holding something of more importance.
What Do We Do About the Nos?
In most circumstances, when people hear no, they typically do one of three things. Some people take it personally. They feel let down, unloved, unprioritized, and maybe even like they’re failing. Some people judge the other person. This is the norm, and it shouldn’t be. We are too quick to label people as consumer Christians and we think that they are part of the problem. Another thing that people do when they’re told no, is get angry or bitter. They suck it up and take on the burden of the job.
I want to express the importance of addressing what is going on in your heart and soul when people say no. I think it’s godly to address your own heart before slipping back into a task mentality. I believe God cares deeply about your heart!
Becoming Okay With A No
One of the reasons I get hurt by nos, is I take them way too personally. A few months ago, I read one of the best books on forgiveness. The book is called Forgive The Good by Dr. Fred Luskin. He talks about how humans form grievance stories. He points out that we take things too personally because we forget everything isn’t about us. We also forget that we aren’t the only ones going through something. Many people, all over the world, experience and feel the same things that we do. We aren’t alone in any of it.
So, I want to share some of the best things to do when someone says no. Firstly, don’t make it about you or take it too personally. It is a little personal and does affect us, but it’s also very impersonal. Most of it isn’t about you, it’s about them, their good and bad experiences, and their priorities.
The other thing to remember is that this is a common experience. We are all in this. Every single person in every church around the globe hears nos. You’re not the only one, and it’s okay!
When looking at why volunteers say no, be sure to check your heart. Take your heart to Jesus. You’ll know that you’re in the right place when you don’t feel animosity toward others and instead feel compassion for the person who said no. You love them and you don’t build a wall between the two of you.
What To Do As A Result Of Someone Saying No
The result of someone saying no, should not be you doing everything you wanted the other person to do. We often think that if you want something done, you have to do it yourself. We rely on one or two families to do everything. However, this leads to unhealthy leaders and unhealthy volunteers. This also results in an unhealthy dependency within the church. God doesn’t want anyone doing it all. This isn’t how He set up the church.
I would love to encourage you to do less. If the volunteers aren’t there, do less and build deeper relationships. Please, just consider thinking about it. You don’t have to act on it right away but consider doing less. Pray about it, and consider what your church might be like with less stress. Start thinking about what’s really needed, and how Jesus did ministry. Start coming up with creative ways to meet needs in various ways.
The Difference Between Drawing And Driving
Jesus drew people in. He invited them to join Him. He didn’t drive people. There was no force and no pushing. He gave us the ability to say no, and people often did. Amazingly, He continued to love all the way to His death on the cross. We see the disciples dropping nets to follow Jesus, but we also see how many nos Jesus got. Every person in the crowd was a no, but what did Jesus do? He did not label them, judge them, or deny them. He showed forgiveness and compassion all the way up to the cross. That was full of pure love.
When we’re not okay with the no, we put ourselves into the driver position. We are forcing people to do what we want them to, and are demanding rather than asking. I encourage you to become students of developing people. Build great relationships, set people up for success, and build strong teams. The best place to start is by aligning our hearts, lining up our priorities, and understanding what is and is not our responsibility.
Read More:
Why It’s Not About The Numbers (& It Never Was) – Small Church Ministry
