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Responding To Volunteers: Part 1
If you haven’t heard “been there done that” in a small church, you’re the exception. For some, it’s the most frustrating response when trying to find a volunteer. It also can be a really awkward comment to respond to. As we jump into another series about volunteers in small churches, keep reading to learn:
- Why making their yes your goal is a terrible idea.
- Why your response to their no has more ministry impact than you can imagine.
- What a jigsaw puzzle has to do with the family of God.
- The 2-point best response to Been There Done That.
The Phrase: Been There Done That
If someone says been there done that, this might be frustrating for you because, whether or not someone did a job in the past or not, the need still exists. Whether that need is in the nursery, building maintenance, or serving on a leadership board, there’s a need and you’re trying your best to make sure it gets me.
If this phrase gets you on the bad side of a mood or you’re looking for a great response, don’t worry, I have one for you. This response is almost automatic. It’s grace-filled but doesn’t leave you feeling rejected. It allows you to move toward building a deeper relationship instead of adding one more brick to the wall between you and them. This is really a system, a way to respond, that acknowledges their no and might draw someone into a deeper connection to what Christ is calling them to.
If you ask someone if they want to become a volunteer, and they respond with been there done that, there are two principles I want you to remember. Number one, listen to their story. Understand what their story was and what it is now. Number two, help them revision a new story. That’s it. If you do this, beautiful things happen. I also want to provide you with some specific phrases and important questions to ask.
The Puzzle Of Volunteers
In order to do this well, you may need to shift the vision of what you think your job is. The best analogy would be to picture a jigsaw puzzle. There are a couple of ways to do a jigsaw puzzle. One is to start with the place where the piece isn’t yet. The other way to do jigsaw puzzles is to start with a piece and find the place where the piece fits.
Starting with the edges of a puzzle can be pretty frustrating because there’s always one piece you really need but can never find. This isn’t a terrible way to do a puzzle, but it’s a long process full of rejections along the way. If you keep trying pieces that don’t fit, sometimes you end up damaging the pieces themselves.
The other way to do a puzzle is to start with the individual pieces. You look at a piece and place it where you think it should go. You may even put pieces that look similar into a pile. This process is more gentle and there’s no forcing. It’s a lot more fun because the goal isn’t to fill the hole, the goal is to figure out where the beautiful piece fits.
Do you see where I’m going with this? Many people in small churches are walking around trying to fill holes. Sometimes we need to do this, I get it, but the other way is much more like Jesus, and is so much more fun and rewarding!
2 Tips For How To Respond To The Phrase: Been There Done That
1. Listen To Their Story
If someone says been there done that, what if you responded with “Really, you have? Tell me about it.” Ask them to tell you more about their story and what they’ve gone through. Find out what they did, how long they served, and even what it was like for them. Keep in mind that there should be no judgment here. Just listen to their story. You might think that you know their story, but listen anyway. You’ll likely learn something new about them and it’s a great way to express that you love and value someone.
Keep in mind that you have to listen to their story sincerely. If you’re in a place of desperation it can be hard to actually stop and listen to people’s stories because you need to find someone to fill a spot. However, this is when we need to ask God to broaden our capacity to listen and love people, and see what He does. If you don’t have time for this conversation because you’re racing around looking for a yes, I urge you to stop. The goal of the church is not to fill holes. The goal is to be the community of Jesus. We cannot do this if we don’t give God’s people the time of day.
2. Help Them Vision A New Story
If after talking to someone, you still think this volunteer position would be amazing for them, we’re going to talk about how to get them there too, but you need to be really honest with yourself before God. You need to remember that this is not about manipulating someone, it’s about them fully embracing their impact and influence, and being a contributing part of the church community in a way that blesses them too! If you still think this job would be a great place for them, try asking their permission to tell them a little more.
It’s also possible that there isn’t a probability of them working in your area and you’ve heard it in their story. So where do they fit? Going back to the puzzle analogy, you’re looking at this person as a beautiful, needed piece of the puzzle. Rather than moving on because they don’t fit in this place, try asking them what they love to do.
Revision A New Story
Starting by listening to their story and moving on to revisioning a new story is such a beautiful thing. We want to leave people feeling hopeful, looking at ministry as amazing and beautiful and them being valuable, rather than ending a conversation with: Been there done that. I believe that volunteers don’t exist to do ministry. Volunteers are your ministry. We are all in this together, to hold each other up and serve together.
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