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People are the most important part of youth ministry. Teens, parents, volunteers, and church leaders should all be vital parts of small church youth ministry. “Youth ministry was never supposed to be about events. Events are just the venue for relationships.”
Small Church Youth Ministry Is About Relationships
The essence of ministry IS relationships. Jesus was constantly making relationships. He modeled how to do relational ministry. Small church youth ministry success relies on the relationships, not on your ability to attract teenagers to your events.
The Power Of Relationships In Small Churches Can:
- Allow us to “hear” what the other person is saying
- Help us to understand someone’s motives and actions
- Make real connections and give us life-long friends
- Bring us to a level of trusting someone
- Comfort us through difficult times
- Let us share joy with someone who can celebrate with us
Looking for a step-by-step to starting or restarting your youth ministry?
Check out the Youth Ministry Bundle For Small Churches!
How Do You Spend Your Time?
As we focus on looking at youth ministry with relational eyes, we must have a good handle on how we spend our ministry hours. For best results, we should break down our time into thirds. One-third spent on planning, one-third spent connecting with our youth, and one-third spent connecting with the parents.
Effective ministry can’t really happen without relationships. How can we encourage our youth if we do not truly know them? What about influencing them spiritually if they don’t have a connection with us? How will they see us modeling a relationship with Jesus if they are not spending time with us?
Relationships happen organically as we put our agendas aside, have conversations, and listen. Teenagers, parents, and church leadership don’t just want to be another number to you. People in your sphere of influence want and need to be heard, to be seen, to be valued, to be appreciated, and taken seriously by you. You’ve heard the adage that says, ‘They won’t care how much you know unless they know how much you care!’
Great Questions To Ask For Deeper Relationships
Good relationships start with a conversation. Then, they develop over time as you build trust. Take the first step today. Invite two of your youth out for tacos. Or, try to initiate a conversation with one of your youth parents the next time you see them. As you connect with the families of your youth, it will help you to understand them on a deeper level.
- What is the best thing that happened to you recently?
- Where would you want to be if you could be anywhere in the world right now?
- What is something you would change about our youth group?
- What is everyone talking about right now? What is the hot topic among your friends or others at school?
- What is one thing you are looking forward to right now?
- What is something you’d like to learn more about?
- What is something about your life you feel is going in the right direction?
- What is one thing that you wish others really knew about you?
Choose questions that require more than a one-word answer. The best questions for deeper relationships are those that give someone a chance to share some personal information within their comfort level.
Relationships start with someone taking the first step. Surprise someone and go beyond “Hello, how are you?” Pause, take the time, see them, ask a question, and then really listen to their answer. You may find many people just waiting for someone to reach out and build a friendship with. God designed us to be in community. He created us to have relationships with each other. This is His plan. Jesus modeled relationships. Jesus modeled valuing people where they were. We should do the same thing!
Three Youth Leader Safety Tips
If you are reading this post, you care about your kids and their families. Remember these safety tips to protect yourself, your families, and your church. Sometimes, well-meaning individuals get caught up in a sticky situation by doing or saying something that could easily have been avoided if they had understood the potential liabilities.
1. Never meet just one-on-one with a youth.
2. The parents must be home if you do a home visit.
3. Keep texting to a surface level.
Let’s talk about safety. Ensure you have safety guidelines in place for all youth leaders, youth team, and all adult volunteers (at every event!) Safety guidelines protect both your adults and your students. If there are any accusations, take them seriously. Check with your church’s denomination for their behavior and child protection standards. Also, check with your church’s insurance company.
How Do Your Students Communicate Their Thoughts?
We live in a ‘rushed’ and busy culture. Taking the time to truly get to know someone is a deliberate process. Sometimes, observing people can really bring you into someone’s world. Below are five different common types of communication. Some students may lean towards one more than the other. However, they are all probably used at one time or another.
Verbal Communication
This is the one most of us are familiar with. What is someone saying to you? Whether talking with teenagers at youth group or meeting over Zoom, you are conversing with each other. You both are sharing thoughts, ideas, and even asking questions. Verbal communication can be expressive and can demonstrate a wide range of emotions. It can also be quiet and thought-provoking.
Non-verbal Communication
“Listen closely when no one’s speaking.” (Laurie Acker) Pay attention to non-verbal communication. We often give non-verbal signals indicating how we feel or what is bothering us. Scan the room. Who is sitting alone? Have their arms crossed? Avoiding eye contact? Be aware of facial expressions, posture, and hand or body movements. Often, non-verbal communication can tell us more than verbal communication. The key is to be aware!
Listening Communication
The deeper your relationship is with someone, the easier it will be to glean insight through listening. Remember, listening isn’t just hearing the words someone speaks. Listening is hearing the emotion, understanding the feelings, and picking up on the passion someone conveys with their words. Sometimes, listening is being aware of what is NOT said.
Written Communication
Teenagers often share their hopes, dreams, passions, and emotions in their writing. Writings can include texting, messages, tweets, journaling, a diary, or notes they write during the lesson or sermon time in church. Whatever method someone uses, it conveys a message. Pay attention to the messages they are trying to convey. Pay attention to the story they are telling. The written word can carry deep emotional clues and lead you to understand the state of a teen’s heart in your ministry.
Visual Communication
Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok are all platforms for visual communication. Students, parents, and your leadership team post images, song lyrics, or memes on these social platforms to communicate a message. You can learn much about someone’s life by seeing their ‘social media’ side!
Communicate A Message Through Social Media
Social media posts can communicate different messages; each can be just as valuable as the other.
- Check out my location – I’m at this amazing place right now
- This is what I’m eating
- Pay attention to a cause I care about
- I consider this to be a social injustice
- Look at me
- These song lyrics represent my feelings right now
Looking for a step-by-step to starting or restarting your youth ministry?
Check out the Youth Ministry Bundle For Small Churches!
Why Is It Important To Pay Attention?
The Bible tells us when we speak or share, those words are a direct correlation to what is in our hearts. It may be something we deeply believe or tie into how we feel.
… What you say flows from what is in your heart.
Luke 6:45 (ESV)
… for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.
Luke 6:45 (KJV)
… For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.
Luke 6:45 (NIV)
Matters of the heart should not be taken lightly. They are those thoughts, feelings, ideas, hopes, dreams, and memories we hold deep in our being. There may be things about which we are deeply passionate. Sometimes, matters of the heart are things we wish others knew about us or hope nobody ever discovers about us.
Because things we hold in our hearts can be powerful and form who we are, matters of the heart should be valued, heard, and taken seriously and with respect. We should always hold this information in confidence and know that how we handle their opinions and thoughts speaks volumes to our youth and how we truly care about them.
Take A Step & Start This Week
- God designed us to connect with others through relationships.
- Accounts of Jesus’ ministry are filled with Jesus valuing people and developing relationships.
- We can’t have a truly effective ministry and not develop relationships with those around us. This includes our students, parents, volunteers, ministry team, and church leadership.
Building a relationship with someone takes time and doesn’t happen overnight. We build relationships as we develop trust. However, it won’t happen unless someone takes the first step to reach out. Don’t try to jump into building relationships with everyone in your circle. Start slow; be deliberate. Let people know they matter to you.
Think about the different types of communication. Be intentional in paying attention to non-verbal forms of communication. Pray about what you see God doing in your group.
This week, ask the Lord to show you just one youth or parent to reach out to. Talk to them at the next church service, or send them a text. Don’t ask them to do anything; just ask how their week is going.
Start with one person. Build trust. Take an interest in their life. When they ask, appropriately share about your life. Connect with someone, show you care, and model Christ!
Watch and see what doors God may open in ministry as you build relationships with those around you.
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