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Have you ever been told you’re “too much”? Or maybe you’ve felt the sting of “not enough” or not official enough, not qualified enough, not loud enough. I’ve been on both ends of that, and it shaped how I understood my built-in influence in the church
Maybe you have, too. We walk into our small churches, see the structure: the pastor, the committee chair, and think, that’s where the influence is. We shrink back, believing leadership is something we have to earn or get voted into.
Let’s just clear that up right now. No one needs a title to carry influence. We already do.
This truth changes everything: your influence isn’t something you have to hustle for. It’s not about a platform, a microphone, or a position. It’s built into who you are by design. You change the cultures around you by the way you walk into a room, and sometimes even more, by the way you leave a room.
So let’s talk about what it means to own the influence you were born with, long before anyone ever gave you a name for it.
Influence By Design, Not By Election
We get this backwards so often. We look for the popular kids, the best speakers, the people who seem to have it together, and we think, That’s who should lead. I remember in youth ministry years ago, there was this idea of electing a youth group president. We call that influence by election. It’s top-down and positional.
But that’s not how Jesus operated. Who did He choose?
- He chose the fisherman.
- He chose the tax collector.
- He chose the prostitute.
Jesus could have sought out the religious experts or the amazing orators of His day. He didn’t. He chose us. Every single one of us. He built His kingdom on a foundation of inherent value, not earned position.
Our influence isn’t about a title or even a role. It’s not about rules or qualifications. This is not something we have to earn or move toward or pick up skills for. We don’t need permission for it. It’s already happening.
I want you to think about entering a room. When you enter a room, as you are right now, as I am right now, we influence the people around us. The tone shifts. Have you ever been in a meeting where one person walks in, and everything changes? We were actually designed for this, all of us, automatically.
Now, it could happen for good, or it could happen for bad. But it always happens, whether we like it or not, whether we choose it or not, even if we would rather be hiding under a rock. We’re still an influence.
So what we’re really talking about today is this: we don’t choose whether or not we influence people. We just choose how to carry our influence.
The Lies That Make Us Shrink Back (And How to Stop)
If this is all true, why does it feel so hard? Why do we apologize for being “too much” or hide because we’re “not enough”?
I want you to know something important. These experiences: the pain of being ignored, dismissed, or told your opinion carries no weight, do not define your value. They also do not erase your influence. They didn’t then, either. People watch. People see. They see how we respond. They see us when we’re quiet and when we’re loud.
We shut down our own influence when we talk badly to ourselves. We say things like:
- “I’m not good enough,”
- “I can’t speak up,”
- “No one would listen to me,”
- or “I don’t have enough weight here to say what I really believe God’s calling me to say.”
We have to name that for what it is. It’s a lie that shrinks our God-given design.
Here’s a practical way to start fighting that lie. Stop using the word “but” to minimize your first emotion or thought.
So many of us do this. We say, “I’m sad and tired… but hopeful,” or “I have this idea… but I’m not the leader,” or “I see a problem… but it’s not my place.”
Try this instead. You are sad and tired… and hopeful. You have this idea…and you can share it. You see a problem… and you can pray about it.
Get rid of the “but.” It’s a minimizing word. Replace it with “and.” Your full experience and your full perspective are all valid. They are all part of your influence.
How To Start Carrying Your Influence With Intention
This isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about becoming more fully who you already are. It’s about practicing what’s already true. Here are two places to start this week.
1. Name Someone Who Influenced You Without A Title
Think about it right now. Who comes to mind? I’m talking about somebody in your life who was an incredible influence but did not have a title within your context with them. Maybe it was a grandparent, a friend, or a volunteer who always showed up.
Say their name in your mind right now. Honor their story.
They didn’t have a position over you. Their influence came from their character, from their presence, from their consistency. You are that person for someone else. Your name is on someone’s list. Start there and own that truth.
2. Practice Showing Up Fully In One Place
Influence starts with presence, not a title. It starts with presence.
But we’re often divided. We’re in a room, yet our mind is on the to-do list, the next meeting, or the problem we have to solve.
I want you to think of one place in your life where you’ll be this week, where you know you’re not really showing up fully. Maybe it’s at home, maybe it’s in a ministry meeting, or maybe it’s on a Sunday morning when everyone wants a piece of you.
Now, I’m not talking about achieving more or producing more. You could be the rock star in your area and still not be showing up fully. Showing up fully means being present with all of who you are: your mind, your body, your spirit, and your relational self.
Here is your practical step. In that one place this week, let your only job be to be there. Be present. Don’t multitask. Don’t plan your response. Just listen and just be. See what shifts. That is you, carrying your influence with intention.
Why This Matters Even More in a Small Church
In a small church, your influence isn’t just a nice idea. It’s the bedrock of your community. You’re not a face in a crowd. You are a vital thread in the fabric.
When you stop apologizing for your influence, you give everyone else permission to do the same. When you show up fully, you raise the bar for what an authentic community looks like. When you reject the lie that you need a title, you blow the doors off the idea that only a few “qualified” people get to lead.
You were built to shift the environment you’re in. Your small church doesn’t need you to hustle harder for a title. It needs you to carry the influence you already have with a little more confidence, a little more grace, and a lot more presence.
Your Next Step: Practice Your Built-In Influence
You don’t need to wait. You don’t need a new name tag or a vote at the next business meeting.
Your next step is simple. Carry your influence like you know it’s there.
Walk into that room knowing your presence matters. Have that conversation from a place of calm honesty. Offer that idea without prefacing it with, “I’m probably wrong, but…”
You are an influence. You were built to shift. It’s time to start acting like it.
Want to practice owning your influence alongside other small church leaders who get it? Join our free Facebook group for weekly encouragement, practical tools, and the reminder that you’re not building this alone.
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Finding True Belonging Beyond Church Titles
