3 Steps To Embracing The Gaps In Youth Ministry

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The Unique Challenge Of Small Church Youth Ministry 

The beauty of youth ministry is that the older among us pour into the younger among us.

The difficulty of youth ministry is that the older among us pour into the younger among us.

Both of those statements are equally true, aren’t they? And for small church youth ministry leaders, the beauty and difficulty are both on full display. It is, in many ways, so much easier for large church youth pastors to teach through a message or lesson plan. When large church youth pastors stand in front of a group of 50 students, they can comfortably monologue for 20 minutes straight without being bothered if:

• 1 student leaves to go to the bathroom
• 3 students whisper in the corner for 30 seconds
• 5 students who typically show up didn’t show up that night

In other words, the lesson time in large church youth ministry is inherently less intimate. You don’t feel the gaps as much. But in small church youth ministry, you feel every ounce of the gaps that exist between you and the 3 students in the room, don’t you?

The Gaps Small Church Youth Leaders Face

You feel the gap in intellect. When Johnny doesn’t understand a big word you use, you feel the gap, don’t you? It’s been so long since you were 12 that sometimes you forget that “voracious” isn’t a word middle school boys use. And because it’s just you, Johnny, and two other students in the Sunday school room, his confusion rattles you far more than it would if there were 30 in the room.

You feel the gap in experiences. When Denise literally cannot go five minutes without her phone buzzing in her pocket, you feel the gap, don’t you? You didn’t grow up being constantly accessible or disrupted by people, apps, and ads. Your experience of adolescence had plenty of similarities, but a whole lot of differences. And in a room with 3 students, that reality is palpable as Denise visibly twitches trying to restrain herself from pulling her phone out.

You feel the gap in cultural reference points. When Kris knows everything there is to know about Minecraft Mods, but has never even heard of Battlestar Galactica, you feel the gap, don’t you? You’ve always identified positively as a “geek”, but kids these days don’t know the classic “geek” touchpoints you grew up with. And you might not feel the weight of that in a big group environment, but Kris is the only student who showed up tonight, so you feel every ounce of that cultural gap.

Normal Responses To The Gaps

In short, what we’re admitting right now is that, because of the gaps, small church youth ministry can be uncomfortable. Weird.

Awkward.

And because we’re human, our natural response to the discomfort isn’t always a healthy reflection of the gospel. When we expect 7 students to show up, and only 3 show up, we:

• Feel shame due to comparison traps and unmet expectations
• Feel unworthy as we realize we aren’t as “cool” as we wish we were
• Hide behind the lesson plan

How The Gospel Addresses The Gaps

I want to introduce you to a faith paradigm called life through the lens of the gospel. Every single one of us believes we see things objectively, but we don’t. Our perception is shaded by our past pain, our influences, and our sin nature. So whenever I encounter something uncomfortable or difficult in life or ministry, I try to take off my broken lenses and see through the lens of the gospel. My belief is that if I look at that situation with the gospel as my lens, I’ll find a clear path forward.

So as we look toward a better pathway forward in embracing the gaps in small church youth ministry, here is a gospel lens for us to see through:

Jesus & His Small Youth Group

We often highlight the sermons of Jesus in the gospels as being a major way He taught His disciples, and that’s true. But Jesus spent three years with His small group of disciples. We forget all the time that despite how they’re depicted in paintings, Jesus’ disciples weren’t grown men in their late 20s and early 30s. The twelve were most likely teenagers and college students by our standards. 

Day in. Day out. 30-year-old Jesus and a gaggle of high school and college-aged boys. Walking. Eating. Laughing. Sharing.

Can you imagine the gap in interest?

Can you imagine the gap in intellect?

Just stop for a moment and consider how many times Jesus had the impulse to reference something from the past that these guys had never heard of.

And yet despite the immense gap, Jesus – Immanuel, God with us – did what He always does. For three years He crossed the gap every day with His small youth group. Jesus embraced the gaps.

And the frustrating thing is, we don’t have all the tips and tricks and conversational techniques Jesus utilized to do that. God didn’t see fit to give us all of that in the Scriptures. Instead, God decided to give us something so much better than conversational tips and tricks. He gave us His Spirit to reside within us and guide us in every kind of uncomfortable situation imaginable. 

That gospel lens has to shift our approach. We Immanuel toward our teenagers as Jesus Immanueled toward His few. And, you know what, Jesus continues to Immanuel toward you and me each and every day.

A gospel lens leads us to embrace the gaps.

3 Steps To Embracing The Gaps In Youth Ministry

1. Scrap The Script

I get it. The lesson plan or youth ministry curriculum you were going to use is really, really good. And I’m not suggesting you throw out the entire thing. But when you’re expecting 7 students, and 3 show up, you have a valuable opportunity to scrap the script and engage students more conversationally.

2. Get Curious

When you have just a few of you in the room, get curious. Get curious about the biblical text of the curriculum. Ask students questions that immerse them in the world of the text. But also, get curious about your students, too. Fewer students means more time and space to share, so ask students questions about their lives that help them connect to the lesson you’re sharing. 

3. Be A Light

It’s human to hide when you feel awkward or uncomfortable. I’m encouraging you to lean heavily in the opposite direction when fewer students show up than you want or expect. When you get fewer of them, they get more of you. Let that be your mantra. When you get fewer of them, they get more of you. So be silly. Be thoughtful. Share some life experiences of your own. Instead of hiding behind your curriculum, let the curriculum shine through you. Be a light!

Practical Example

You may be wondering what this could look like practically. The truth is, there are a thousand ways this could look in practice. But let’s say the youth ministry curriculum you use walking through the Woman at the Well that day (John 4:1-42). You expect 7 students to show up, but 3 show up. 

Instead of walking straight through the lesson plan or curriculum, you may decide to open with some questions:

• When has each of us felt like the woman at the well? Judged. Invisible. Worried about what people will say? 
• She had five husbands. Playfully, what do we think went sideways in each of those relationships? What’s gone sideways in your relationships? 
• On a serious note, what walls do you think this woman’s built up to protect herself given her life story? Have you ever felt that? 

Your curriculum probably had so, so many good theological words to say about the textual breakdown of the woman at the well. It was going to be a killer monologue – the sermon to end all sermons. But, when you get fewer of them, they get more of you. So you may start off with those questions, and then dig into the point of your lesson. You may, alternatively, decide to sprinkle those questions throughout the lesson plan. But regardless of how you structure it, embracing the gaps means putting MORE of yourself into the lesson, not less. 

And when you do, your students will be better off for it. All 3 of them will be glad they came to youth group that day, because they got to experience something far better than cool, epic, or hype. They experienced what the twelve experienced. Something far better than crowded and energetic. When you Immanuel and embrace the gaps, your students will experience you being the light Jesus has called you to be. 

Curriculum For Small Church Youth Ministry

If you’re looking for a curriculum to help you do small church youth ministry well, look no further than G Shades. As your simple solution for gospel-centered youth ministry, G Shades offers full video messages, Sunday-school-style lesson guides, simple weekly games, and more! Try four weeks of G Shades curriculum for free here!

Read More:

Youth Prayer: Praying For Youth And Teaching Its Importance 

Build Relationships Within Your Youth Group – Small Church Ministry  

Keeping Kids Safe In Church Youth Group